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Hypothetically Famous…

May 4, 2012 //
3

I have recently had the opportunity to interview for a TV series that is going to be based on stay-at-home dads.  Since I have a burning desire to walk the red carpet and have people pay me to wear clothes, I decided to try out.  What the heck, right?  What’s the worst that could happen?  One problem is that Gavin may not want to be on TV.  At this age, he has no say.  (We vote on things all the time, but he never asks any questions or says ‘Aye‘ or ‘Nay’.  So, 85% of the time, I win!)  How do I know what Worm wants?  Does he want everyone in the universe to see what he’s doing and how he’s growing up?  Does he want to be famous?

I thought about all of the great things that could happen if we were on TV:

  • My friends and family could watch us every single day on TV.
  • Gavin could become a reality TV star.
  • It would take my blog to another level.
  • I could get paid for changing diapers and brushing baby teeth.  (Gavin would get paid in jujube’s and jellybeans.)
  • I could eventually have my own talk show!
Then, I thought about all of the bad things that could happen if I was on TV:
  • My friends and family could watch me every single day on TV.
  • I wouldn’t be able to see myself on TV because I don’t have cable.
  • We would have to watch everything we say and do in public.
  • We could get negative press from the media.
  • We could be stalked by the paparazzi.
  • We could end up like the Kardashians.

Things I learned that day:

  • It takes 4 hours to get to L.A. (from San Diego) on a weekday morning.
  • It takes 1 hr and 50 minutes to get home from L.A. (to San Diego) on a weekday at lunch time.
  • I can’t drive more than 2 hours without having to pee.
  • 50 minutes of my camera interview will be condensed into 2-3 minutes.  Therefore, 95% of what I say is worthless.  (Have they been talking to my wife?)
  • There’s a lot of if’s in show business.

Stay tuned.  If I know something, you’ll know something.  If you’ve got any thoughts, feel free to comment!

We’re Just a Couple of Character Actors!!!

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Categories MVG Oddities

Punxsutawney Phil? No, Gabrielino Gavin!

February 2, 2012 //
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It’s Groundhog day!  And guess what else?  Gavin turned 10 months old today!  In the new custom of weather prediction California style, Gabrielino Gavin (Gabrielino was the only G named Indian Tribe in California…Come on, I had no other choice!) is going to tell us if we will be enduring 6 more weeks of frigid 60° temperatures.

We’re too far away for Pennsylvania to even think about Punxsutawney Phil.  And we don’t get any ice here other than the nice crescent-shaped ones found in our freezers.  So, I’ve taken the liberty of modifying the old groundhog weather device and replaced it with its west coast equivalent, Gabrielino Gavin!

Similarities between Phil and Gavin:

  1. Both walk on all fours
  2. Both have hair on their heads
  3. Both have two sharp front teeth
  4. Both have claws and scratch the crap out of your neck repeatedly, even if you scream in pain (Sorry, I’m just venting.)
  5. Both eat fruit, leaves, grass, dirt and insects

From the “town of the sandflies” to the “town of sand-als”, Gabrielino Gavin has seen his shadow on this very morning of February 2, 2012.

Winter will be upon us for 6 more weeks.  One should bundle up in a long-sleeved shirt or grow a mustache to stay warm in Southern California for a wee bit longer.  (Maybe think about wearing long pants too, if you own any.)

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Categories News

Please Drive Forward and Enjoy the Fruits of Your Wife’s Labor

January 27, 2012 //
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750 mm by 1050 mm (30 in by 42 in) Preferentia...

Image via Wikipedia

Forget what I said in an earlier post about losing 30 minutes of my life.  I wasn’t in my right mind.  Today, Tebow shines on my brain and blesses me with a stroke of genius!

I’m driving along and I see the usual signs on the local freeway:  merging traffic, exit only, carpool – 2 or more…wait, 2 or more?  I’ve got two or more in the car.  In fact, I’ve got three in the car at the moment!  Me, Gavin and Duncan = 3!  I can’t believe it!  I’m 2 or more!  I’m 2 or more!  The sign doesn’t say anything about the description of 2 or more, just 2 or more!  The pint-sized progeny finally has a purpose.

Wow!  So, now I’m entitled (well, aren’t all Californians entitled?) to a new entitlement!  I can use the carpool lane!

I see myself saving minutes of freeway driving every week now.  Added up over the course of a few months, I may save enough time to go for a good mountain biking excursion!

All I need is to do is bring the baby wherever I go.  Rush hour traffic?  No problem.  Put the baby in the car.  Morning traffic?  No problem.  Put the baby in the car!  (What else has he got to do?  Nothing!  He’s a baby!)  Minutes saved from traffic will become hours and hours will become days!  This baby isn’t a time vortex anymore, he’s a time machine!

I finally understand why having kids is so rewarding.  Thank you, Tebow!  Hallelujah!

Gavin is the gift that keeps on giving…on the freeway!

Gavin – 5; Dad – 3

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Categories Random Thoughts

No, My Mommy’s Not Home

January 23, 2012 //
4

There’s a knock at the front door.  Duncan starts to bark his head off.  I’m in the middle of getting dressed.  So, naturally I ask Gavin to answer the front door.  But the Worm gives me that faraway look as if we don’t speak the same language.  Even if he knew what I was saying, he’s still too short to reach the knob.  Useless…but adorably so!

Thinking it could be Ed McMahon with Publisher’s Clearing House, I race to the front door half-naked (or half-dressed, depending on how you look at it) and expect to see a large check and balloons in my face.  But all I got was an old man.  No Ed.  No check.  No million dollars.

Does this lollipop make me look younger?

As if he plucked my cherries right off their tree, he muttered “Hi there.  Is your mom or dad home?”

Immediately, I wonder if this guy is serious.  I look him dead in the eyes for a hint of sarcasm.  Nada.  To make matters worse, the most mature thing I could retort was “What?”

“Are your parents home?”

Holy s#!t.  He’s for real.  (It’s California, people.  So, I give him the benefit of the doubt and  assume he’s just smoked a blunt for his cataracts or high blood pressure.)

“No, my mommy’s not home.  Sorry.”  I close the door and don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

So I turn towards the hallway mirror, reassuringly pat myself on the back and say to the incredibly dashing and handsome creature before me “I’m grown!  I may have the body of a prepubescent teenager, but I have underarm hair, nose hair, and even some curly ear hair!  I ooze manliness and maturity!”

Then I dust off the guns, cock them both back and hit another incredible double biceps flex in the mirror.  ”Yeah, I’m a MAN dammit.  No mistake about it.  That old guy must have been blind.”

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Categories Random Thoughts

New to the Daddy Blog World

January 20, 2012 //
3

So, I’ve been daddy blogging for the past week and a half and I realized something.  I am not the first to daddy blog about being a first time dad.  So I’ve got no choice but to follow the excellent path set by those daddyblogs before me.  Sort of.  Some of the daddy blogs are pretty funny, like Busy Dad Blog and Cry It Out.  Other daddy blogs are useful, like Stay At Stove Dad and Frugal Dad.  With my daddy blog, I hope to bring the most interesting stay-at-home dad perspective ever.  I want the best daddy blog in the universe.  I want to be the funniest dad blog, the most useful daddy blog, the most groundbreaking dad blog, the best written daddy blog.  Yeah, all of that.  I want to be the Jay-Z of daddy bloggers!  With my incredibly limited vocabulary and extensive use of parentheses (even when it’s unnecessary), I will excite you, tease you and make you cry like a sublime S&M relationship.  And hopefully keep you coming back for more!

Even if you don’t learn anything whatsoever on my hip, new daddy blog, I hope that you will enjoy the ride as we raise a kid in the good ol’ U S of A!

If there are any products that you would like me to review pertaining baby stuff or daddy stuff or baby daddy stuff, please let me know.  I’d be happy to test out new products in my own home and give my honest opinion using the accurate Worm rating algorithm we’ve developed solely for this purpose.

If there is anything you wish for me to write about, including pregnancy pain from a man’s point of view, labor and how I narrowly escaped it, spanking someone else’s parents kids, etc., just let me know.  I’d be happy to give my inappropriate opinion since that’s what we do in California.

www.facebook.com/mevsgavin

www.mevsgavin.com

Did I do enough to entice the search engines you?  I love money comments.

One day, I hope to be in the Top 50 Daddy Blogs!

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Categories Random Thoughts
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