Gavin’s only a few days old here. I love this close-up. You can really see his squished face and the bruises he got on his eyelids during birth. Who does he get that hairy forehead from?
Being Born Took a Lot Out of Me! Nap time!
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As you can see, our swaddle technique pretty much sucks. But before this, we were only able to practice on the dogs. So, please cut us a little slack. It’s not easy to swaddle babies after the sleep deprivation starts playing with your brain.
Cuddling with the Monkeys...
Our baby is long for his age. I guess I can say tall now, because he can stand up. He’s in the 90th percentile for height (which amounts to nothing more than bragging rights at the playground…for the parent). Since he’s been skinny and long (tall) for most of his 10 months here, I christened him the Worm. (It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?) Though, I’ve recently seen that being tall doesn’t come without problems.
The Worm is crawling a lot these days, building strength in those Michelin man thighs and adding muscle density to his fluffy baby body. I know muscles are important for the next stage of mobility, walking. So, we’ve got him on a workout schedule of 2 hours twice a day crawling on the treadmill. We’ve also added pilates and yoga to his routine. His nutrition is supplemented (American style) by protein shakes, protein bars, and Gatorade (because it has electrolytes).
Conserving Leg Strength By Hanging On the Railing...Smart Worm. Smart.
With all the extra strength from training, Gavin can now stand up. (You’re welcome, Worm.) But, the problem is not in the standing, it’s in the sitting back down. He doesn’t know how. Apparently, the incredible altitude of 29.5″ (the 0.5″ makes a huge difference in the percentile rankings…) stiffens the legs, arches the back, and brings out the howling monster in him. He’s so proud of pulling himself high enough to peer over the coffee table, and his little smile widens with achievement. But mere minutes after the adrenaline rush fades, he realizes that he can’t get down. (Maybe he gets altitude sickness.)
So far, I’ve let Worm try (try = cry, scream, shake) for an hour before I help him get back down. Am I going in too soon to help? Should I give him an extra hour or two to fatigue his legs enough to drop his derriere to the ground? Or should I stick out my hand and provide a softer landing spot? (Screw that last idea. I don’t want to chance breaking a finger or even worse, getting my hand pooped on!)
I’ve even channeled my inner dad voice. “Worm, all you have to do is reverse the steps to go from standing to sitting. It’s that simple. Here. Let me, your wise teacher, show you what to do. Just stick out your butt like this…”
Dad, Where Do you Want Me To Drag This Barbell To?
No dice there. Just more crying and shaking. (When he’s upset, he just doesn’t listen. He takes after his mother that way.)
Gavin’s been try-ing the standtosit procedure (sounds official, doesn’t it?) for about 2 weeks solid. Every day the same thing occurs. I can’t put him down for a nap in his crib and go watch my soaps, without seeing him in the baby monitor two seconds later upright and gripping the bars, inmate style. He’s afraid to do the standtosit because he can’t bend his knees and control his backward descent to the ground. (The 3 pictures shown were taken around the house within about 30 minutes of each other. Guess who had to save him every time he got stuck?)
Ah, such is the relentless toil of this SAHD…saving the same Worm every day, sometimes multiple times a day…
Now that I’m writing this, I think I may have come up with a solution…double diapers! (Tebow, I’m so incredibly smart that I amaze myself!) Just like water wings protect baby from drowning in water, double diapers protect baby from falling on land! Is that a genius idea or what?
I will double up the diapers on Gavin’s bum! Twice the diapers must halve the impact! The poor kid was cursed with his daddy’s boney svelte buttocks and could use a little more “junk in the trunk“, especially in this crash and clumsy stage of infancy. (I know. You and I are both thinking silicone butt implants would be the best option, but Steph’s been reluctant to let me add any parts to the baby. I’ve already asked twice.)
Dad, Could You Bring Me a Chair or a Recliner or Something??
Pampers, if you are reading this, you can add one more type to the 40 different diaper types you confuse us men with. These shall be called Pampers Crash Pads – Protection For Boney Baby Butts. Make them twice as thick as regular diapers and make us consumers feel like child abusers if we don’t use them during the crawling/walking transition stage.
I can’t wait to try out my brilliant idea! Maybe I should mock up a prototype and do some testing before trying my design on a real baby. Nah, too much work. What’s the worst that could happen?
I got off work today and went charging into the house looking for my non-hairy boy. Wow! He’s so cute in his little “Hug Magnet” longsleeve, I thought. Why don’t I go over and give him a great big hug!
Like a zit under pressure, he popped.
Ok, but when you said lunch is on me...I didn't know THAT was what you meant!
Maybe it’s just me, but these kinds of hugs don’t give me that warm, fuzzy feeling.
I see the Worm’s mastered the silent vomit.
The student has given the teacher a lesson today.
Gavin – 6; Dad – 4
Currently, there are 24 states that allow home-schooled children to play sports at their neighborhood schools. This list includes: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont, Washington state, and Wyoming. Vermont. (Contact your state representative for further information.)
If your state is not on the list, you are homeschooling your child, and you expect to let him/her participate in secondary school athletics, you may have a battle on your hands.
The Tebow Bill, named after Tim Tebow, the UF football legend, will allow homeschooled children to play high school sports. Obviously, using the name Tebow carries some weight as well as highlights his rise to football stardom in Florida, where he was homeschooled and allowed to play high school football.
The State of Virginia is the most recent state trying to pass this bill.
Opponents of the bill argue that home-schooled children don’t have the education level of a typical high school student. (Really? So, your high school football star who’s getting recruited by top colleges around the country can barely score in triple digits on the SAT’s and you think homeschooling is poor? Doesn’t this happen every year?) There are also those that oppose this bill, because it will create a ‘recruiting’ type of atmosphere between homeschooled kids and local high schools. (If you didn’t already know, that stuff already happens with normal high school students.)
On the other side of the coin, some taxes goes to supporting public schools. So, even though you may home-school, you are still paying money towards a local high school. So, shouldn’t your child be allowed to play sports with the other taxpaying students? Or maybe all the homeschooled children’s taxes would go to a separate sports/activities program. (Then the s#!t would hit the fan…)
Below are some of the articles outlining what is going on with the Tebow Bill. If you know you are going to homeschool your child through secondary school, then you may want to start looking at your state’s legislature now.
You could be growing the next Tim Tebow in your very own house! Wouldn’t the world be a better place if there were just a few more Tim Tebows?
Sports Participation for Homeschoolers
Related articles
- ‘Tebow Bill’ Passes Va. Education Committee (washington.cbslocal.com)
- “Tebow Bill” Heads To Final House Vote In Virginia (washington.cbslocal.com)
- Virginia’s ‘Tebow Bill’ Would Allow Home-Schoolers In High School Sports (tracking.si.com)
- Pol ‘Tebows’ after bill Ok’d (politico.com)
- You: Virginia Home-Schoolers Make a Play to Join High School Teams (nytimes.com)
California Baby Super Sensitive No Fragrance Bubble Bath. Say that 3 times fast!
Wow, what a name!
I’m a man. Steph’s a woman. Gavin’s a worm. Since Steph and I are responsible for bathing Gavin, he gets no choice in the matter. Being a guy, I don’t really want my son to smell like a vanilla cupcake after he gets a bath. (I really don’t know why women think a vanilla scent is attractive. Smelling like a steak or a meatball sandwich is attractive.) I want Gavin to smell like himself…99% sweet and 1% spicy. So, I’m very keen on this California Baby Super Sensitive No Fragrance Bubble Bath. (Whew!) It smells almost like nothing, which means my boy will be bombarded by one less scented baby product in his life. (Not every baby product needs to smell like something. Take it from this guy, it is ok for baby products to have no scent at all.)
The great thing about the CBSSNFBB is, well, there are many things great about this product. It’s part of a line of products that were created by a mom looking to provide safe bathing products for her own children. The ingredients are not harsh detergents that you may find in some adult products. You can use this CBSSNFBB on newborns as well as other people with sensitive skin. It’s non-toxic (but you may not want to feed it to your baby) and it is a no tears formula. There’s no nut oils, gluten, soy, oat or dairy in the bubble bath. The fact that it contains organic and sustainably grown ingredients is also a plus for me.
We have a few different baby bath products in the house and I always find myself reaching for this one. It doesn’t dry out the Worm’s skin and he feels clean without any residue after a wash. It gets a little sudsy with some effort, but I know that suds don’t always equal clean. So, that’s not a big deal for me. It even comes with a bubble wand if you want to blow bubbles for your little one at bath time! Now, that’s a big deal for me!
Gavin doesn’t get very filthy just yet, as he is new to the crawling stage. So, I cannot attest to the cleaning power of the CBSSNFBB in very dirty conditions, but I will probably give it a try before anything else.
On a somewhat related note, Gavin’s skin has had little problem with diaper rash, eczema, etc., so we consider ourselves lucky. There’s a possibility it is because we use products that are good for his skin. I feel that this is one of those products.
———-
Overall Rating: 10 Worms
Ease of Use: 10 Worms
Performance: 10 Worms
Features: 10 Worms
Durability: 10 Worms
Manliness: 10 Worms (Something that doesn’t smell like baby powder or flowers or vanilla? Very manly!)
Retail Price: $13.99
———-
Pros:
Doesn’t smell like sissy. Non-toxic ingredients.
Cons:
None.
Things I would modify:
None.
Where to find:
I come from a family where spanking was the icing on the punishment cake. Luckily, I didn’t get spanked that often. My brother got the hot seat more than I. Thanks bro! My wife comes from a family where spanking wasn’t used as a disciplinary tactic.
How will we discipline the Worm?
Personally, I hope to break the spanking tradition with him. I don’t plan on serving physical punishment to the Worm for his wrongdoings. (I take out my anger on my dogs.) But, I will try my best to figure out why he did what he did. Kids do stuff mindlessly. I used to be a kid (although some people still think I am a kid). I’ve partaken in my fair share of destruction. (I’m just glad no person got hurt, just the animals in the forest and the frogs in the pond, and the turtles, and the…I digress.) I know full well that some children don’t understand the ramifications of their acts, nor do they understand the ripple effect those actions have on people around them. (I’m sure that many adults don’t even have this awareness.) But, I’m still going to try to learn/teach from Gavin’s misdeeds instead of just punishing him for them. I’m going to search for an answer each opportunity presented, even if I only receive a blank stare in return from him. Why? Because I’d like him to recognize his part in the event and accept some responsibility for his actions in life. And possibly think about what he did, if only briefly.
After being on the other side of the belt, I don’t think that spanking is a necessary component for a parent teaching a lesson. It won’t build trust between Worm and I and it won’t strengthen our relationship. Spanking builds fear (and callouses).
If you wish, you can read the article about the effect of spanking on children here. The article says that spanking leads to aggression and lowers IQ. (So, does that mean if I spank Gavin enough that he could morph into a professional MMA fighter in a few years? How is this a bad thing again?)
If you don’t agree with me, please let me give you a few spanking tips:
- Make sure child is wearing thin, tight clothing for maximum spanking effect. Fluffy clothing dissipates too much energy.
- Spank child in one location on buttocks. By concentrating your spanking technique to a particular area, you can cause more
painsensation. - Learn to spank with both arms. This will keep you from getting repetitive stress syndrome and reduce your chance of injury.
- When using a belt for spanking, a 2 to 3″ wide leather one works well. To add more spice to the swing, make contact using the buckle end.
- Set goals when spanking your child. Try to increase the repetitions every time. Spanking builds strength in your rotator cuff muscles. It makes a great exercise for the shoulder girdle.
- The best time to spank a child is while they’re sleeping. They never see it coming and can’t run away.
Fist of Fury
Related articles
- Spanking makes kids more aggressive, should be illegal: Report (theprovince.com)
- Spanking Undermines A Child’s Long-Term Development (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Spanking Doesn’t Work, Study Indicates (inquisitr.com)
- Spanking makes kids more aggressive, should be illegal: Report (canada.com)
Me vs. Gavin 