Sean Connery at the 2008 Edinburgh Internation...

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So, I’ve been checking out other blogs on how to be a good parent and get myself up to speed on the whole fatherhood thing.  From all of the information collected, I’ve compiled a short list of some of the things that I would tell the Worm if the situation calls for it.  It’s nice to build some solid social groundwork from early childhood.  Each statement resonates with truth and power.  (For me, when I say it in a Sean Connery accent, the words seem that much more powerful.  Try it.)

These are 10 very encouraging and motivational things I believe will prepare Gavin for the perils of real life.

  • LOVE – I love you a lot.  But when we have other kids, things may change.  So keep making old dad happy, ok?  You’re the oldest, so it IS possible for me to love you more than the rest of the kids.
  • ANGER – I know you may be angry at me right now, but I’m larger than you and can therefore be more angry.
  • SAD – When you’re sad, you make the whole family upset at you.  It’s ok to cry, but have respect for others and do it in your bedroom.
  • LISTENING – I hear what you are saying, but it doesn’t make as much sense as what I’m saying.
  • PERSISTENCE – I see that you spent a lot of time working that out.  But remember, smart people in India would have done it faster.
  • GIVING – I am glad to see that you gave your toy to that other kid.  It was the one that the dogs peed on, right?
  • FRUSTRATION – It’s good to see that you’re getting your frustration out.  Let me show you how to focus your frustration in a positive way.  Quick, get me some of your mom’s knick-knacks.
  • EMOTIONS – Don’t keep emotions inside of you.  They have a tendency to build up and later erupt when you least expect them to.  For an example of that, just look at how your mom is.
  • MISTAKES –  I know how bad you feel when you make mistakes, which is why I never make any.  Try to avoid mistakes by watching me do things.
  • HATE – Never tell people that you hate them unless you’re either leaving a job, breaking up a relationship, moving out of state, or dying.