A certain dog in my house needs more affection (I’m talking about you, Duncan) than the other (like you Frodo, who probably wouldn’t even notice our absence if we dropped you off in the neighbor’s backyard for a few weeks).  Lack of affection and attention on the first dog results in things like counter surfing and pillow shredding.  Lack of affection and attention on the second dog results in his blissful happiness.

Ever since the baby arrived, the affection doled out onto the dogs has gone from steaks to scraps.

The pre-baby hierarchy of affection received (from the big fish to little fish) went like this:

The Totem Pole of Affection

And that worked out almost perfectly for Duncan.  Once we added Gavin to the mix, everything and everyone got pushed farther down and rearranged….

The new hierarchy looks like this:

Who's the King Now?

As you can see, the Worm gets most of the affection these days.  He averages about 4x the affection of any of the rest of us.  Is that a crime?  (Not for Worm!)  But the other members are getting restless in their ranks…you can see it on their faces!

Especially Duncan.

Duncan’s attitude has degraded.  He now tries to do everything he can to earn some attention from me.  He stares at me for hours now just hoping I make eye contact.  (He’ll do it to the point of falling asleep standing up.)  I could be walking around the house and wherever I turn, Duncan always seems to be standing in front of me.  He will sit and lick my leg obsessively like I’m a giant grape lollipop.  (I can’t help but feel uncomfortably weird after 30 minutes of licking and there’s no sign of quitting.)  Weimaraners are a needy breed, but this neediness is on a whole other level.  It’s escalated into “I want to bathe in your sweat” stalker level!

It’s creepy to be stalked from morning to night.  (But, A small part of me thinks it’s kind of cool to be so desirable to someone.)  I’ve got to find a way to spend more time with Duncan without neglecting the baby.  I just wish they had the same interests.  How easy would it be if I could just throw a frisbee to each of them in the yard, or let them each chase squirrels in the canyon?  (Wouldn’t that be awesome if I could train teach Worm to catch a frisbee in his mouth?)  If I don’t come up with something soon, Duncan’s going to kill me, stuff me, and shove me under his dog bed so that he doesn’t have to share me with anyone else and we can be together forever and ever and ever.

I hope it’s not too late.  I can already see the crazy in his eyes.