I can’t find it.  It’s disappeared.  And I’m pissed.  I thought it would be another year before Worm stopped napping twice a day.

I was getting used to having about almost 5 hours of “me” time per diem.

Step 1 – Keep Worm’s brain and body in high gear until he ran out of gas.

Step 2 – Put Worm into sleep mode.  (He’d nap for a solid part of the day and I would catch up on my work and personal tasks.)

Step 3 – When Worm wakes up, repeat the sequence.

I was money.  I had this whole parenting thing on cruise control while I focused my mind on important matters.  I was the SAHD of every man’s dreams.  (It’s kind of gross when I ponder too deeply the thought of being in every man’s dreams.)

“What?  You can feed the hungry, build houses in Africa, and raise Gavin at the same time?  Where do you find the hours in the day?” the other dads would ask me.  And I would grin and reply “And one day I will stop global warming…but that will be sometime after #2 is born.  I need a challenge.”

All of a sudden, I’m getting half the “me” time and the s#!t has hit the fan.  I’m scrambling to keep it together because my system has failed.  I’m losing sleep at night to get stuff done and I’m a zombie in the daylight when I need energy to match Worm’s exuberance.  I feel like I’m trying to cram 10 pounds of proverbial s#!t in a 5 pound bag.

Do you know what I’ve now got to squeeze into that tiny window of opportunity?

Here’s my list:

  • Eat breakfast (“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” – Lewis Carroll)
  • Wash dishes (“No husband has ever been shot while he was doing dishes.” – Unknown)
  • Clean kitchen (“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” – Phyllis Diller)
  • Check and answer emails  (“I get email, therefore I am.” – Unknown)
  • Pack merchandise for internet business (“Folks who get all wrapped up in themselves, sure do make small packages.” – Unknown)
  • Exercise  (“It’s not sweat, it’s my body crying from the pain.” – Unknown)
  • Eat lunch (“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices:  take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett)
  • Take a shower  (“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” – P.J. O’Rourke)
  • Relax for a few minutes before Worm wakes up (“Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.” – Anatole France)

And at least for the next week, I’m trying to fit watching the Olympics somewhere in there.

So, if you’re wondering why my blog has slowed to a crawl, it’s Worm’s fault!  Too bad Worm doesn’t see things the way Yogi did.

“I usually try to take a two hour nap from 1 to 4.”

– Yogi Berra

He’s So Adorable When He Sleeps, Sometimes I Can’t Help But Wake Him Up And Kiss Him!