Some stay-at-home parents get me hot and bothered. It’s mostly mothers, but it’s not in a good way. (Maybe some of my female readership can help me understand why??)
We’re out somewhere and I happen to start a conversation with another parent about kids. The standard opening line is, “Boy, you got your hands full.” Yep, I do. Worm still wants me to carry him everywhere and Smush can’t walk yet. I literally do have my hands full whenever we go out in public! (Worm specifically asks me to “hode bose babies” often and I usually comply.) Half the time, I’ve got a dog leash dangling from my fingers as well…
Then the talk veers toward our respective kids and how they’re so difficult at this early age, etc. But actually, mine are not. And I say so.
“My kids are really well-behaved most of the time. They’re just great kids. We’re lucky for them.”, I tell the other parent.
All of a sudden, we’re no longer commiserating together. I get the “you must be kidding me” slightly-drop-jawed stare as they’re wondering how I’m carrying 50lb of kids, 40lb of gear and a 27.5 tooth grin. The other parent quickly ends the conversation with a backhanded, “Well, I hope they’re great kids as teenagers! JOHNNY, get your ass over here right now!”, or something to that effect, and scurry off towards their brood.
I’m standing there thinking to myself, “WTF? That was awkward. Do I have vomit on myself?”, and I check my shirt, my fingernails and slyly whiff my armpits. I’ve upset yet another parent from something I’ve said. It happens way more often than I’d like, but this particular scenario really irritates me. I’m not bragging or trying to be pompous about my son and daughter. If you want me to show off, watch me toss my kid 20ft in the air and catch him behind my back. I’ve got two wonderful babies and I shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed about it.
Now I need to get this off my non-lactating chest and I’m sorry if I offend anyone.
First off, this isn’t a competition. The fact that my kids are well-behaved and yours aren’t, shouldn’t shatter your probably unrealistic idea of motherhood (or fatherhood. But I’ve never, and I say never, had a father try to make me feel like a putz for mentioning I have happy, pleasant tots.) We’re two different people raising different children. It’s like comparing your apples to my coconuts. (I’m really into coconuts right now.)
Secondly, I’m not saying that you are incapable of handling your own kids. I don’t think you’re doing a poor job and I won’t report you to child services for your inability to properly care for a dependent…maybe (unless, of course, your kid steals my wallet.)
Thirdly, don’t believe that I don’t have to work hard because my kids are well-behaved. And don’t assume that it’s all balloons and birthday cakes with me. I work damn hard at listening to my children and understanding their needs. Paying attention can be just as exhausting as getting angry.
Fourthly (if it’s a word), I find it upsetting that some women are still surprised that a man can raise children just as well, if not better than, a woman. (The internet is a vast ocean of knowledge. Thank you, Al Gore!) Stay-at-home dads are not as much of a rare bird as they used to be, and fathers can step up to the proverbial child-rearing plate as much as moms, producing some damn fine progeny.
Fifthly, I’m not judging you as a parent. I’m dealing with enough issues in my own life to worry about anyone else. We parents all have our struggles and no situation is black and white. I don’t understand your entire position, so don’t talk to me for 5 minutes and assume you understand mine. Besides, the worst parent is one that doesn’t want to be there for their children. As long as that’s not either of us, we’re both probably doing ok.
I find it sad that some people think their offspring are more trouble than fun. I think it’s too bad that they have a hard time parenting them and enjoying it. But please don’t try to make me feel embarrassed because my children are agreeable and I look like I got my stuff together.
My sippy cup is not half-empty, not half-full, but completely full. My kids are lovely human beings. All the time. And I’m not going to apologize for that. I will continue to be thankful for them. Good or bad is not the important quality here. Worm and Smush are mine and I love them for being my children. I’m doing the best I can and trying to make lemonade out of the lemons tossed my way. (No, really. Try our MVG Strawberry Lemonade recipe this summer!) And I hope that lemonade continues to fill my sippy cup to the top. Cheers!
This is Revision #1. Apparently, the “big boss” deemed it a little too unfit for public consumption….and when I don’t listen to the woman in charge, I don’t get fed!
I think it’s awesome that your kids are awesome. If you are met with disdain, it’s jealousy. Hell, I’m jealous.
But I think it might be easy to say the sippy cup is full when they are. It also might be unfair to state that those of us that struggle don’t have the kids that we “expected” or that we “want them to be”.
Sometimes you get pocket aces and that’s amazing. But sometimes you can slow play a different hand and still win. 🙂
Thanks for the comments Amber! My kids are great. But later on, they could turn out to be hellions. So when I tell people that my kids are easy, it’s because they are…right now. And that’s a combination of both them and me.
I’m saying that life throws us lemons. We need to deal with them as best we can. Many of the struggles that I’ve had were because I didn’t want to make lemonade. I struggled because I didn’t want to adapt.
People find their way into our inner circle because they are supposed to teach us something about ourselves. And if we don’t learn something from what could even be a chance meeting, the lesson will come back to us in another way, shape or form.
Humans are hardwired for struggle. And there are many obstagcles that we must overcome. But sometimes we don’t see that its not what is outside of us that we are truly fighting against.
My kids are mine. All of the good, bad, and ugly, I have to accept or I will make life difficult for them and for me. I don’t want to struggle if I don’t have to. I don’t want to make others feel ashamed for having ‘pocket aces’. I just think that if we each look closely at our own hands, we will see that we all have the best hand possible.
That was beautiful and we all can truly adapt and find the positive…but it simply isn’t true that our perception is the only thing that creates our own struggle in parenting.
I love your outlook, I think your ideals are wonderful, and not knowing me well at all, I promise, I hold much of what you say close to my heart and blog similar sentiments often.
But sometimes, struggles are real (no matter our outlook on them) and I think it is hurtful to say otherwise.
But that is just me. And who cares what I think? 😉
You are absolutely right. Struggles are real for all of us. When our conscious mind (ego) cannot tell the difference between an internal struggle and an external one, we also cannot separate how much we participate in the struggle because we have succumbed wholly to it. Another name would be ‘human suffering’. We all suffer and struggle daily with the things in our lives and I need to mention that I’m only speaking of the needless variety. I’m sorry if I sounded like I was trivializing all of those that struggle. I wasn’t. I’m happy that you have voiced your thoughts, Amber!
What a great post. I have experienced something similar to you but from a relative, where at first they kept telling me that I would never cope blah blah and then instead of congratulating me for doing a good job, takes it as a personal attack that I’m not falling apart under the pressure.
I think your attitude is great. Raising children can be hard work but us one of the most rewarding things you can do. And you are called Dylan! If that’s not the sign of a good Dad, I don’t know what is!
Hey Dylan! (It’s weird to think that I’m not writing to myself…I seldom come across any Dylans.) Thanks for dropping by my blog! I agree with you. It’s as if you’re expected to implode after having kids and if you end up doing well, you’re either lying or pompous. It sucks that it’s a family member too. We should work towards bringing each other up, not down.
You’re right! Raising children is one of the most rewarding things you can do! I didn’t believe it before I had kids, but now…
[…] had an interesting discussion after reading this post titled, My Sippy Cup is All The Way Full, B!tches!, from a fellow blogger, Dylan @ Me Vs Gavin. The post was about how unapologetic he felt concerning […]
I really like this post. It made me think why I always feel kind of bad talking about how little work I’ve had with my baby. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is a lot of work, but mostly because I am a single mom and I do everything on my own. But my daughter has been so easy to care for ever since she was born. Never sick, always smiles, sleeps great since 2 months old, eats super well… just easy, easy, and I always feel bad saying that to other parents. I shouldn’t. Because we all know this won’t last forever, since every phase has its things, but I guess I should enjoy it more with no guilt.
Thank you Nara! I am the type of person that wants to surround myself with people that are genuinely happy for me when I’m happy and sad for me when i’m down. Because I would do the same for someone else, stranger or friend. There’s enough negativity in the world and I try my best to minimize my additions to it!
You should revel in the fact that your daughter is easy to care for. Besides right now, when else would you possibly enjoy it?
I agree with you very much. you are right, and true people will act this way. My true friends do! 🙂
As a mom, I first want to applaud your enthusiasm and your efforts as a dad. I think anyone who thinks dads are incapable of being awesome parents must be living under a rock. Dads are answering the call to be a present parent much more these days and stay at home dads rock parenting as well as stay at home moms.
As a parent, I would add an * to your post in the same vein as what Amber has said. I think as parents we shouldn’t be judging each other for the type of child we have or the obstacles we face in parenting, but we also need to display an amount of compassion when other parents express the hardships they go through. I love the crap out of my son and enjoy (almost) every minute with him. He has completely changed my world. Sometimes, though, I have a hard time connecting with other parents in real life because he hasn’t gone through similar experiences to other kids his age. If I took a small leap of faith and shared my heart ache with another person and they had no kind words in return, it would just add to my reluctance to connect with other parents.
Just a thought–be proud of your kids and be kind to other parents. It is entirely possible to do both.
Thank you for your feedback workingmommawithababy! I appreciate the input!
Compassion is definitely something this planet could use a little more of.