Thank you for the gnarly cold and sinus infection, Worm.  I appreciate it.  You think that your nose is a slow drip juice machine for you to replenish your fluids when you’re thirsty.  Well (and I’m sure this is going to surprise you), as you get older, the fluids won’t drip from your nose (unless you’re sick) and you’re going to have to hydrate with water (or when we’ve contaminated all the water on earth, Coca-cola).

The first 5 on the list pertain to when you are sick, Worm.  The last 5 pertain to when you’ve beaten down my immune system by depriving me of sleep and inundating my orifices with your infected hands, feet, toys, and food.

  1. Green phlegm is not the most awesome thing to exit your body.  It’s not Jell-O.  And no, I don’t want to see it up close.
  2. When you’re not feeling well, I don’t mind cuddling with you…if you don’t mind me scrubbing you down with Lysol wipes first.
  3. The sad puppy dog face does not work when there’s a wet booger stretched between your nose and your ear.
  4. The back of your sister’s head is not the generally accepted definition of a ‘baby wipe’, although your interpretation of the term is a correct one.
  5. When you’ve managed to put your hands in/around your nose, mouth, and dirty diaper, I’m not really interested in seeing, smelling, touching, or tasting your finger(s).  (This applies to both when you’re sick AND when you’re well!)
  6. When you’ve gotten me sick, my answer to pretty much all of your questions is “No, I want to lay down and take a nap.”
  7. When I’m sick, having you jump on my stomach just isn’t the same amount of fun.  (Can’t you tell the difference between me wincing in pain and laughing?)
  8. When I’m sick, I don’t want to exert myself.  So don’t ask me to pull the friggin’ wagon with you, sissy and all your favorite toys around the block again!
  9. How is it that you get louder when I’m sick?  I promise I can still hear you.  It’s my nose that is plugged, not my ears!
  10. When I’m resting on the couch with my eyes closed, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAKE ME UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES TO MAKE SURE I’M ALIVE!
Worm, You're So Literal! (You Get That From Your Mother...)

Worm, You’re So Literal! (You Get That From Your Mother…)

Gavin – 28; Honeydaddy – 17 (I can’t seem to win this game!  Worm, you douse me with germs.  You don’t let me rest.  You don’t let me sleep.  And you don’t seem to have any less energy when you’re sick…and you sure as hell don’t have less energy when I’m sick!  Argh!)