Punkin’ Huntin’

October 18, 2012 //
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Fall is my favorite season.  Once a young lad, I spent many an autumn raking the fallen leaves, sipping chai tea in the brisk evening air, and baking apple pies for my family.  Just kidding.  I was shooting rabbits with my bow and arrow, planning out ‘Mischief Night‘, calculating my trick-or-treat route, and making traps in the woods and covering them with leaves for unsuspecting victims.  I lived in New Jersey.  The bar of morality and righteousness wasn’t very high and I was damned if I was to trip over it.  So, I crawled under.

Now that we live in San Diego, we don’t get the big weather changes that strongly signal the closing half of the year.  So to imitate the fall season here, we decorate the house in orange and brown, turn on the air conditioning, and parade around in turtlenecks.  Hooray!

To further the charade…at this age Worm will believe anything…we drive out of the city to pick pumpkins from a fake patch on the side of the freeway.  Just like the pilgrims used to do!

A little bit northeast of us (you can’t really go anywhere except for north and east of San Diego) is a little town called Ramona.  Yeah, that one.  The former “Turkey Capital of the World”.  It’s been a long time since the feathered kind of turkeys have been spotted there, but you’re sure to run into a few of the human variety.

If 70 Degree Autumn Weather Disgusts You, LOOK AWAY!

Ramona is home to Mountain Valley Ranch, a nice little stop off the 67 highway, near the edge of town.  Mountain Valley Ranch delivers the goods with pumpkins by the truckload!  Pumpkins as far as the eye can see, which from Worm’s 34″ of elevation, is only about 20 feet off into the distance.  So, the Ranch was perfect for him, and for us!

Worm decided the patch was a bit too ‘natural’ and went for the easy kill, the peck of pre-picked prepared pumpkins in presentable propriety.  This was an area where white collar children could pick the pumpkin (or supervise a parent picking the pumpkin, as in our case) without expending too much energy or leaving the comfort of his/her dry-cleaned and pressed clothing.

Mom, I Think This Is the One!

Then it was daddy’s turn.  And I wanted to do the real deal.  Let me forage through the patch and find myself a pulchritudinous specimen.  For this, we needed a wagon.

Worm, I Feel Like I’m Doing All The Work…BTW, Does The Earth Seem More Tilted To You?

A few hours later and deep into the isqoutm squash patch, I found the cucurbit of my dreams!  It was the finest pumpkin 2012 had ever delivered and I laid eyes on it first.  Quickly, I kicked the little monkey out and used his shirt to provide a cushioned wagon ride for ‘Pepita’ all the way to the cash register.  (In case you’re going for a visit, Mountain Valley Ranch only takes cash!)

Where Fore Art Thou, Pepita?

Worm, exhausted from the extra walking effort on unpaved ground, fell asleep on the hour long ride home.  And I spent that quiet car time basking in the thrill of the hunt and relishing in the glory of my find.  It was as if Tebow shined brightest upon ‘Pepita’ for mine own eyes to see.  Now that I’ve found you, I cannot wait to gut you, carve out your eyes, and light a match inside of your head…

 

As a side note, Mountain Valley Ranch also has: petting zoo, corn maze, corn cannon, and more!  It’s a fun, memorable place to take little ones!  You can check out their website for more information.

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The 1.5 Year Old Milestone Mark For Worm

October 13, 2012 //
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Worm is 18 months old.  We’ve kept him alive thus far and cheerfully pat ourselves on the back.  His incredibly resilient body took a lot of abuse and punishment from my inane innate parenting skills.  I look at my fathering style as a healthy blend of unintentional tomfoolery and collegiate style hazing.  “Worm, if you can make it through my method of parenting, you can join us in this club we call manhood!”

I never get anything right the first time.  I shouldn’t feel bad when I screw up the experiment Worm.  That’s why we’re having more than one kid!  One doesn’t just hop into a car for the first time and know how to drive it, right?  I’m sure the third child will be perfect!

Barring the fact that Worm really didn’t start walking much until almost 17 months and really didn’t start talking until about 2 weeks ago, he still made the cut off.  Whew!  With much surprise, we’ve made it through a large list of the 18-month milestones.  Since you can find those boring milestones elsewhere on the web, I haven’t included them here.

You’re Better off as a Back Seat Driver, Worm. We’ll Revisit This When You’re Old Enough to Reach the Gas Pedal…

This is a list of Worm’s latest been-there-done-thats:

  • Tells the dogs “Shut up!” when they’re being loud.  (Or “Sha daa!”  Already picking up our bad habits…)
  • Goes in a closet or corner to potty.  (Good thing he has his diaper on.  It’s heredity.  His father has tried to go out on a balcony to pee…)
  • Plays hide and seek. (He can be eerily still and quiet for this game…good skill to have for NINJA training!)
  • He closes the hallway closet doors every time he walks past and they’re cracked.  (OCD?  Is he going to be the next Howard Hughes?)
  • He Swiffers everything.  His desire to clean is impressive.   (Couch, coffee table, dog beds, etc.  I’m going to build a stool so he can start doing dishes.  More OCD?)
  • If he shreds paper and makes a mess, he picks each piece up to throw away.  (One day, I’ll be able to get him to clean up my mess.  Even more OCD?)
  • He can open a twist-off lid (…and feed the dogs)
  • He puts his fists up to his eyes and fake cries (Thanks Grandma for teaching him this.)
  • When you ask him where poop comes from, he points to his butt cheeks and goes “Ick!” (Thanks again Grandma!  This is going to be useful when figuring out which body part goes on the toilet seat.)
  • Says “Dada” to me  (…and random men in public.)
  • Brushes his teeth (…after he sucks all the toothpaste off the brush.)
  • Feeds himself with a spoon (…and the dogs too.)
  • He sees and points out things that are out-of-place.  (Why is that piece of grass on the sidewalk?  And he puts it back on the lawn.)
  • He points out all of his body parts (…and always double checks that his wee-wee is attached.)
  • He knows pretty much everything in the house (…he just doesn’t vocalize it.  Chicks dig a man of few words.  He’s on it already!)
  • And speaking of that, he stares at the pretty girls wherever we go.  (Right now, it’s the long creepy stare, But at least he’s got good taste in women!)
  • Can survive on grapes and juice for days. (Seriously?  He’s got supermodel tendencies.  All he needs to learn is the “Blue Steel” face.  That milestone’s at least a couple of months away.)

Stats on the Worm:

– 34″ tall

– 22 lb 2 oz

– 1″ vertical jump

– ∞ 40-yard dash  (He can’t run for more than a few feet before stopping to pick up some flower or bug on the ground.)

 

 

 

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Categories Education

Songs From the Shower – How Many Times Are You Going To Pillage the Cupboards?

October 5, 2012 //
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Worm, it looks like you’re at it again. (9)

You’re ripping food out of the cupboards and then (11)

When tomorrow should see us moving ahead,  (11)

We’re back in the cupboards with hands on the bread. (11)

Why do you squeeze and poke it so much?

Can you grip it less tight?  Try a softer touch.

My potato chips! Stop!  I’d rather you not

Pummel or trample them with your sumo squat.

Dad, I was checking the freshness dates on everything. Quality control, you know?

The Cheez-its have not done any wrong,

Why do they suffer?  Were they doomed all along?

Already have your hands and feet doled out wrath,

I pray you’ll be cleansed of your deeds in the bath.

Not cereal too!  When will it end?

As you tear open boxes,  I see a trend.

One hundred times now we have seen you destroy

The food in the pantry and cupboards.  Bad boy!

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Worm, I Thought You Were Sick…

October 3, 2012 //
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Worm caught a cold on Saturday.  By the wee hours of Sunday morning, someone was having trouble sleeping because the little vermin was squirming and coughing.  (It’s ok to feel sorry for me not getting my beauty sleep.  It’s how I keep that youthful glow!)  When the Worm began crying miserably, Steph went into the baby room to try and soothe the savage.  Feeling heroic, I bounced out of bed to see how I could save the day.  (OK, I was forced to remove the pillow from over my head and get my ass and other parts of the body up ASAP.  Sergeant’s orders…)

So at 3am, the whole family was awake and suffering.  2/3 of us were crying.  On the outside, Worm was crying from the fever and body aches.  On the inside, I was crying from the stink eye that Steph gave to “encourage” my cooperation!

We spent the better part of Sunday caring for the virus incubator poor baby and teaching him to blow snot bubbles.  The great thing about children is that colds and flu usually pass through them swiftly.  There’s no conscious mind telling them that bills need to get paid, car needs to go to the mechanic, work projects need to get done this week, etc.  They’re free to hear their bodies’ request for nature’s best remedy, Otter pops and rest.

Sunday night, a more comfortable respite found the Worm.  In fact, it must have been awesome sleep because on Monday the little guy decided to do house chores!  (I swear this was all unprovoked.  If I had a hand in it, he would have been out washing the car or cutting the lawn.  But hey, I’ll take any help I can get!)

First, he tackled the laundry.

You See Worm, Pink and Lavender Laundry Balls Entice Women To Do Laundry.  The Soft Colors Are Attractive to Females. It’s Subliminal.

Then he decided that the dogs needed to be fed…again.  (Note to self:  Son has figured out twist-top containers.)

Worm, I’m Not Sure Duncan Needs More Food This Morning…

And then he decided that he didn’t want to live in a pig sty (like my dad used to say to me, ha ha), so he Swiffer-ed the carpets…and the coffee table…and the couch.

Worm, You Missed a Spot…Like the Entire Kitchen Floor!

And if that wasn’t enough to show daddy that he was independent and could now get his own apartment, he changed his own diaper.

Worm, If You’re Going To Take Off the Dirty Diaper, You May Want To Put a CLEAN ONE ON!

Almost!

If Worm does housework every time he gets sick, I think we may be able to get free monthly housekeeping.  All I need are a few germs and a couple of Petri dishes…

Gavin – 17; Dad – 7 (I gladly give you two points every time you do chores!  Shoot, I’ll give you 5 points for every blog you post too!)

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Imagine What Would Happen if Worm and I Traded Places…

September 26, 2012 //
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Worm wants to grow up too fast.  I want to revisit my youth.  Using a little fairy dust and internet magic, Worm and I were able to switch places for a day.

It was so much fun!  Some genius invented underwear with a built-in toilet.  I didn’t have to interrupt my cavorting just to pee or poop.  Even when full, it still hugged my body and accentuated my curves.  (I’m not sure why this idea hasn’t caught on for adults.)  It was awesome!  I bounced all over this huge springy pad in one of the bedrooms.  When I got tired from bouncing on it, I could use it to sleep on!  Brilliant!

I drooled on the couch.  I pulled wipes out of a magic box.  Every time I would pull one out, another one would appear in the same exact spot!  I screamed as loud as I could until my throat hurt.  I pulled the pots and pans out of the kitchen drawers and beat them until my arm got tired.  Why these toys were stored in the kitchen, I’ll never know.  I pretended not to listen to anyone and couldn’t find it in my body to stand still and act out some semblance of politeness.  I farted in front of my family a few times.  When I pointed blame at the dogs, we all laughed about it….every…single…time.

I did run into some problems, though.  I couldn’t get food out of the fridge.  The door was too heavy.  I wasn’t allowed to take the car keys and go for a drive.  I couldn’t go swimming in the pool by myself.  I just wanted to be left alone for a few minutes, but privacy wasn’t allowed.  I tried to hide in the nooks and crannies of the house, but seeing as how I wasn’t strong enough to move any furniture or climb up the bookcase, I stood there as still as possible in plain sight and willed myself to be invisible.  It worked about half the time…I think.  My bike was too big and I had trouble chewing the skin off of the grapes.  Why is the TV remote so darn big?  I couldn’t even hold it with one hand.  I did try to rub two of them together to see if I could make fire, but they got taken away before I could set them ablaze.  Being so close to the ground, the air heavily reeked of feet and dog butts.  And worst of all, I had to be in bed by 7:30pm.

It’s a good thing that after the stroke of midnight I will be back to my old, old self.

We are the September 25th ManBabies photo!  You can also vote for us on the website if you like!

Worm, Be Gentle! You Don’t Know Your Own Strength!

Related Links:

ManBabies.com – If you’re up for a good laugh, check out some of these photos!

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Categories MVG Oddities

Safety 1st Complete Air 65 Convertible Car Seat (2012)

September 23, 2012 //
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This is our second convertible car seat.  We reviewed the Britax Marathon 70 a few months ago.  The Britax spends its life in the wife’s car and since the Britax (and most convertible types of car seat) isn’t easily removable, we had to buy another convertible car seat for my truck.  Wanting to try something a little different, we did some homework and came up with the Safety 1st Complete Air 65.

Part of this review will be on the Complete Air 65 alone and some of the review will compare it against the Marathon 70.

One of the nice things about the Complete Air is that the instructions can be kept in a slot behind the car seat.  This makes it easy to find when you forget to figure out how to use some of the features.  A big safety feature of this CA65 is that you can keep your child rear-facing up to 40lbs and 40 inches.  Since crash tests have found children to be safer while rear-facing in an accident, this is a huge plus.  (But, the unfortunate thing is that most parents are eager to have their child forward-facing and won’t use this option…like me.)  I cannot comment on installation of the car seat in a rear-facing position as I have not used that feature.  I’ve read other reviews where people had trouble fitting this seat in a rear-facing position, so borrow someone else’s and do a test fit for your car before purchasing one.  The forward-facing option is recommended for kids 22-65lbs and 34-52 inches tall.

The CA65 is pretty easy to install forward-facing.  I placed my car seat in the center of the back seat of my 1987 Land Cruiser (and it will stay that way probably until #2 shows up in January).  Back in the awesome 80’s, there were no LATCH anchors in the seat and seat belts were for sissies.  (But, then also the speed limit was 55, not 70.)  In my truck, I use the middle lap belt to pass through the forward-facing belt path of the seat and cinch it up tight.  For the tether or top anchorage strap, I also don’t have an anchor that came standard with my car.  But since I do have aftermarket custom anchors bolted in the back of my truck good for 1300 lbs, I use those.  I do NOT use the LATCH connectors that come with the CA65, so I cannot comment on them.  (I will install some LATCH anchors eventually, so this part of the review will be added then.)  But, I do like the fact that Safety 1st have clips built into the car seat that keep the LATCH connectors out of the way if they aren’t being used.

There are two tilt settings in the forward-facing direction.  You cannot adjust these while the convertible seat is still in the car.  You have to remove the seat to change the tilt.  It’s a little annoying, but I guess it’s because if you can adjust the recliner portion of the seat while it’s strapped down, then the car seat is probably not secure enough in your vehicle.

Let’s start with looks.  This car seat looks cool.  I like the colors that are used and the overall shape of the seat.  To me, it’s aesthetically pleasing…and beefy looking, like my truck.  The air protect pads jut out of the seat like Mickey Mouse ears.  To up the cool factor, I tell passengers that the car seat has built in subwoofers and wait for the ooh’s and ahh’s.  I understand the safety feature of the air protect side impact pads, but it does obstruct the baby’s lateral field of vision.  Since I’m not a fan of car seats that act as baby sensory deprivation chambers, I take some points off here.

The cup holder feature is awesome.  I love it.  The Worm loves to use it too.  He’s almost 18 months old and has recently figured out that his crotch makes a poor juice bottle holder, especially when he wants to kick the front seats.  The only downside is that I wish the bottle holder could be mounted on either side of the car seat.

The 5-point harness fits nicely.  It’s got enough padding to it for it to be comfortable for Worm.  I think it fits more snugly than our Britax Marathon 70.  The harness buckle has 3 settings, which is nice.  The only thing I didn’t like about the harness buckle is the amount of force required to release the buckle tongues.  It takes an inordinate amount of force to unlatch.  Me no likey.

Comfort?  I think so.  Worm loves riding in my truck with the windows down and music blasting.  (What can I say? It’s a classic Land Cruiser and he’s got good taste in vehicles.)  But, I also notice that he looks relaxed in the Safety 1st vs. the Britax (Marathon 70).  Even my wife noticed how happy he is to be in the CA65 seat.  I can’t fit into either of the car seats, so I can’t test each of them out personally.  But, if I were to use my powers of observation, I’d put money on the Safety 1st being the more comfortable car seat.  I think part of the reason is that the CA65 seems like it has more shoulder room than the Marathon 70.  Maybe it’s the extra padding that the Marathon comes with.  I don’t know.  Just look at him in the picture below.

Hanging Loose Like the Velcro Straps on My Kicks

Cleaning?  The seat pad is removable and washable.  But, the air protect pads (Mickey Mouse ears) are not removable nor washable.  So, if your child vomits all over the sides of this seat, I foresee a lot of stinky car rides for you.  So make sure your kids vomit on the washable portion of the seat.  (I sprayed the entire car seat with waterproof fabric spray, just to mitigate some damage in case of liquid spillage.)

In the grand scheme of things, I’m really looking for a safe car seat to lug around my progeny and get them through minor to major car accidents safely.  That’s the bottom line.  Could I say that our CA65 is safer than our Britax?  No.  Nor could I say the other way around is true either.  But, I’m comfortable in what I see and how our car seat is designed.

The Safety 1st Complete Air 65 is a great seat and has plenty of features to keep us parents happy and it seems to have enough features to keep our child happy too.

Note that this is going to be an ongoing review as we get more and more usage out of the Complete Air 65.

———-

Overall Rating:  9 Worms

Ease of Use: 9 Worms  (The harness buckle kept me from giving it a 10.)

Performance:  8 Worms

Features:  9 Worms

Durability:  8 Worms  (It’s still early, so this rating will get modified as we use the CA65 more and more.)

Manliness:  9 Worms

Retail Price:  $189.99

———-

Pros:

Cup holder.  Easy to install (in my truck).  Plenty of room for child.  Approved for in-flight airplane usage. Can hold up to 65 lb child.  LATCH and instruction storage on seat when not using.

Cons:

That little red harness buckle press button is too hard to press.  The seat’s large size may be a problem in narrow cars.

Things I would modify:

Make a softer push button in the harness buckle.  Have a tilt or rotate setting to turn car seat for getting baby out of vehicle easier.  Make cup holder mount on either side of car seat.

Where to find:

http://www.safety1st.com/usa/eng/Products/Travel/Car-Seats/Convertible-Car-Seats/Details/2671-CC044ARV-Complete-Air-65-Convertible-Car-Seat

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Categories Product Reviews

What’s Wrong With the Apples? They’re So Small!

September 18, 2012 //
1

…Slackjawed that these naive ladies had probably never seen unadulterated food in their lives, I couldn’t even manage a sarcastic response.  I muttered “It’s because the apples are real.  They’re not genetically modified like the bland softball-sized ones you see in the supermarket.”

“Oh!” before a bushel of giggles filled the fresh air.  They scampered away and disappeared into the orchard.

So the 2012 apple season in Julian, California has begun.  And it’s bringing all of the urbanites out of the concrete jungle.  Only about an hour or so outside of San Diego, Julian is a cozy little mountain town nestled in the Cuyamaca range.  It is a nice little getaway from the hustle of city life, especially in the fall.

There are some 10 apple orchards (about 5 are the u-pick style) in and around Julian.  We picked (get it, “picked”?) the Raven Hill Orchard (RHO) because of an article I saw on a San Diego Travels webpage here.  I read about Patrick Brady, orchard owner as well as sculpturist.  My  curiosity piqued at the article’s phrase “quite a character to behold”, and believing that artists infuse passion and joy into life, I figured his orchard would exhibit the same sentiment.  I love fascinating places and intriguing people, but memorable moments happen when both coincide.  I couldn’t wait to see what our first visit to an apple orchard would bring.

We arrive at the front gate at 10am.  Greeted by a sign bearing the politically correct translation of “Use your head for something other than a hat rack.  If you couldn’t tell, you’re not in your comfy, cozy padded cell where you can hurt nothing more than your own feelings.  It’s the outdoors.  Everything here is 3-dimensional and may bite.”, we enter.

How dangerous can picking apples be? Newton discovered gravity in a place like this…

Inside we see the man, the myth, the keeper of the apples, Patrick Brady.  Donning a black leather hat, camo pants, and a lion’s mane of hair, he waves us in.  All I can say is, if there is a ‘most interesting man in Julian’, we just found him.

“Health starts here!” as he points to the ground in front of us.

At $10 a bag, it’s definitely cheaper than a visit to the pharmacy.  With a smile, Steph asks for 3 bags of health.  That’s one bag for each of us!  (I don’t think Worm can eat a whole bag of apples by himself.  But since he is not typically known to share, I’ll probably snake an apple or two from his bag every day.  It’s not like he can count either!)

We wander down the gaps between the trees, stopping to inspect the apples and take in the warm breeze of the morning.

Steph, being the apple connoisseur, showed Worm and I how to pick the apples. Women just know these things!  It’s built into their DNA!  (She didn’t believe killing the apples with our bow and arrows set was necessary.)

Guys, be gentle. Ripe apples will easily detach from the tree. Don’t take the part with the leaves!

Pretty soon, Worm and I got into the spirit and gently plucked a few ripe ones for our respective stashes.  Since I have the luxury of being tall (extremely tall for Southern California), I was able to get to the apples that lesser mortals couldn’t reach.  Lucky for us, the orchard was chock full of fruit for everyone.  In fact, our whole family filled up our bags before we made it to some of the other apple varieties.  (The Raven Hill Orchard grows 7 apple types:  Empire, Fuji, Gala, Golden Delicious, Gravenstein, Jonathan, and Pippin)  Although the picking season runs from September to late October, it’s best to go before the apples have been totally picked through.  Otherwise, you’ll be doing your apple picking at one of the local markets.

It’s a Good Thing We Are Tall, Huh Dad?

After a nice half hour among the fruit trees, we head back to the entrance to pay for our apples.  We get a chance to talk a little bit with Patrick, the owner.  He’s definitely a straight-shooting, no-frills type of guy.  A gently forceful and honest type that will look you directly in the eyes when he speaks.  We chat on different topics centered around health in America, etc.  An hour later, his lovely wife comes down for a visit and we get to meet his 3 month old twin babies.  The entire day was enjoyable, interesting, and wonderful.  After a visit to downtown Julian for some pie and cider, I can’t say that we could have had a more perfect day.

Hanging Out With Patrick at Raven Hill Orchard

Support local farmers and growers!

Related Links:

Raven Hill Orchard Facebook Page

Picking Apples Raven Hill Orchard

Patrick Brady – Man of All Seasons

Julian, California Webpage

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