Except that he doesn’t run yet…or crawl…or even roll over. This pic is of Gavin at 5 weeks old. Some of our friends and family bought these clothes as gifts (and I thank you) to make our baby look like a track star! Boy, does he look fast…
Check out my jogging pose!
He just doesn’t deserve…to get my sinus infection. So, I won’t be affectionate with him. Not today and maybe not for a few days. It may be a little weird for us both since I spend about half of my day kissing his pudgy chipmunk cheeks and biting his little ears.
I tried to fight it off. Multiple clients of mine have been sick. I’m sure I caught it from one of them because I’ve been having some sinus problems going on for a couple of weeks now. But, now there’s green and red stuff coming out of my orifices. (Luckily, not those orifices. I’m talking about my nostrils.) All in time for Steph and I to go to San Francisco for the weekend. Yay.
I’m seeing what a detriment to my health fatherhood is. Even though Worm didn’t get me sick, I can’t take a rest day from him. And rest is what I need to kick an infection fast. He just wouldn’t understand me if I said to him “You play over here for an hour or so and then take a nap. I’m leaving this big bowl of food next to you so you can eat when you’re hungry. But, watch your portions. Your onesies are fitting a bit snug in the middle.” Mini-me doesn’t understand that daddy needs rest and some Playstation time.
So, I’m off to the herb shop I go to find my Chinese herbal formula to help me kick this blasted sinus infection. (For all the TCM herbalists, it’s a modified Ge Gen Tang for sinuses. Stiff neck and upper back with green and red phlegm, chills, no sweating, muscle aches and weakness.)
Now, I understand what they mean when they say “you come second and the baby comes first….” Sniff, sniff. Right now, I don’t really see fatherhood as a win-win situation. It’s more like a parasite-host situation.
I would have taken a picture of my nasal bacteria for you, but instead you get poor, pathetic me.
There's no place like home. There's no place like home...
It works…in theory. I never got to try it out. If you remember from a previous post, I’d been saving the Worm a couple times a day from a butt-clenching 29.5″ altitude. Gavin wasn’t able to perform the standtosit technique for the past 3 weeks and would get stuck in a standing position screaming bloody murder. I invented a diaper solution (for the good of all parent-kind) to help cure Worm’s fear of heights, blah, blah blah…(Don’t make me retype the story again, please? Here’s the link to that post.) I guess it only took me blogging about his dilemma for him to channel Rocky Balboa (queue up “Gonna Fly Now“. If this song doesn’t drive you to your full potential as a human being, then your name is Clubber Lang or Ivan Drago. I digress.) into his little body.
Here is Gavin in just his second attempt ever seen. From acrophobia to acrobatica, it only took one dismount to master the standtosit technique. He isn’t even phased anymore.
Just watch the technique. It’s a one-hand, two-hand, drop. Style points for that. He must have learned the 180 knee-spin from watching SYTYCD last season. Double style points for that pivot. Oh, and I’m sorry about the high-pitched voice in some of the video. When I get excited, the schoolgirl cheerleader part of me comes out.
I hesitated about points on this one because I did create the double diaper technique. But since the Worm beat me to the punch in figuring out how to give in to gravity all by himself, he gets a point.
Gavin – 7; Dad – 4
Gavin’s only a few days old here. I love this close-up. You can really see his squished face and the bruises he got on his eyelids during birth. Who does he get that hairy forehead from?
Being Born Took a Lot Out of Me! Nap time!
As you can see, our swaddle technique pretty much sucks. But before this, we were only able to practice on the dogs. So, please cut us a little slack. It’s not easy to swaddle babies after the sleep deprivation starts playing with your brain.
Cuddling with the Monkeys...
Our baby is long for his age. I guess I can say tall now, because he can stand up. He’s in the 90th percentile for height (which amounts to nothing more than bragging rights at the playground…for the parent). Since he’s been skinny and long (tall) for most of his 10 months here, I christened him the Worm. (It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?) Though, I’ve recently seen that being tall doesn’t come without problems.
The Worm is crawling a lot these days, building strength in those Michelin man thighs and adding muscle density to his fluffy baby body. I know muscles are important for the next stage of mobility, walking. So, we’ve got him on a workout schedule of 2 hours twice a day crawling on the treadmill. We’ve also added pilates and yoga to his routine. His nutrition is supplemented (American style) by protein shakes, protein bars, and Gatorade (because it has electrolytes).
Conserving Leg Strength By Hanging On the Railing...Smart Worm. Smart.
With all the extra strength from training, Gavin can now stand up. (You’re welcome, Worm.) But, the problem is not in the standing, it’s in the sitting back down. He doesn’t know how. Apparently, the incredible altitude of 29.5″ (the 0.5″ makes a huge difference in the percentile rankings…) stiffens the legs, arches the back, and brings out the howling monster in him. He’s so proud of pulling himself high enough to peer over the coffee table, and his little smile widens with achievement. But mere minutes after the adrenaline rush fades, he realizes that he can’t get down. (Maybe he gets altitude sickness.)
So far, I’ve let Worm try (try = cry, scream, shake) for an hour before I help him get back down. Am I going in too soon to help? Should I give him an extra hour or two to fatigue his legs enough to drop his derriere to the ground? Or should I stick out my hand and provide a softer landing spot? (Screw that last idea. I don’t want to chance breaking a finger or even worse, getting my hand pooped on!)
I’ve even channeled my inner dad voice. “Worm, all you have to do is reverse the steps to go from standing to sitting. It’s that simple. Here. Let me, your wise teacher, show you what to do. Just stick out your butt like this…”
Dad, Where Do you Want Me To Drag This Barbell To?
No dice there. Just more crying and shaking. (When he’s upset, he just doesn’t listen. He takes after his mother that way.)
Gavin’s been try-ing the standtosit procedure (sounds official, doesn’t it?) for about 2 weeks solid. Every day the same thing occurs. I can’t put him down for a nap in his crib and go watch my soaps, without seeing him in the baby monitor two seconds later upright and gripping the bars, inmate style. He’s afraid to do the standtosit because he can’t bend his knees and control his backward descent to the ground. (The 3 pictures shown were taken around the house within about 30 minutes of each other. Guess who had to save him every time he got stuck?)
Ah, such is the relentless toil of this SAHD…saving the same Worm every day, sometimes multiple times a day…
Now that I’m writing this, I think I may have come up with a solution…double diapers! (Tebow, I’m so incredibly smart that I amaze myself!) Just like water wings protect baby from drowning in water, double diapers protect baby from falling on land! Is that a genius idea or what?
I will double up the diapers on Gavin’s bum! Twice the diapers must halve the impact! The poor kid was cursed with his daddy’s boney svelte buttocks and could use a little more “junk in the trunk“, especially in this crash and clumsy stage of infancy. (I know. You and I are both thinking silicone butt implants would be the best option, but Steph’s been reluctant to let me add any parts to the baby. I’ve already asked twice.)
Dad, Could You Bring Me a Chair or a Recliner or Something??
Pampers, if you are reading this, you can add one more type to the 40 different diaper types you confuse us men with. These shall be called Pampers Crash Pads – Protection For Boney Baby Butts. Make them twice as thick as regular diapers and make us consumers feel like child abusers if we don’t use them during the crawling/walking transition stage.
I can’t wait to try out my brilliant idea! Maybe I should mock up a prototype and do some testing before trying my design on a real baby. Nah, too much work. What’s the worst that could happen?
I got off work today and went charging into the house looking for my non-hairy boy. Wow! He’s so cute in his little “Hug Magnet” longsleeve, I thought. Why don’t I go over and give him a great big hug!
Like a zit under pressure, he popped.
Ok, but when you said lunch is on me...I didn't know THAT was what you meant!
Maybe it’s just me, but these kinds of hugs don’t give me that warm, fuzzy feeling.
I see the Worm’s mastered the silent vomit.
The student has given the teacher a lesson today.
Gavin – 6; Dad – 4
Me vs. Gavin 