It sounded too good to be true.  Really?  I can get 6 additional Krispy Kreme doughnuts for $2 more?  Even the custard filled ones?  How do they make any money??

Using all the restraint I had in my body, I declined the dirty dozen and walked away from a deal of a lifetime with my measly six-pack under one arm and Worm under the other.  That was 3 days ago.  Yet, it wasn’t until yesterday that I was sure I made the right decision on those delectable doohickies.

Monday started off with normal levels of chaos as I prepared for a trip to the zoo.  Sure, Worm is two years old.  Sure, I wish I could velcro him to the floor while I get Smush ready to leave the house.  But even with Wormie on the loose, I was still able to get us out the front door by 9:20.

We got back and everyone took their noon nap.  Regular stuff.  When Mini Me and Micro Me woke up, they were ready for food.  I (being the great dad that I am) decided to give Worm dessert before lunch.  I cut up a chocolate sprinkle special from the box and gave it to him.  It was a bad move.

The tasty treat lit up his veins and for the rest of the day my once mild-mannered two-year old (oxymoron?) became Bonkers Boy!  All afternoon and well into evening, there was nonstop talking, running, throwing, panting, jumping, falling, screaming and unlistening.  I seriously thought about pulling out the belt on him…to hogtie his little hands and feet together.  I was blown away by what I saw for the next 6 hours.

I heard the words ‘Honeydaddy’ about 500 times…in the first hour.  I almost ripped my ears off trying to make it stop.  If we were in a cemetery, his repetitive ramblings would have turned the dead.  The dude opened and closed the same bedroom door about twenty times in the time it took me to take a half pee.  (I couldn’t focus on what I was doing and cut it off mid-stream.)  Stuff was being hurled across the house.  Legos, blocks, balls, measuring cups, anything he could grab.  I found myself shielding Smushie from him forcefully flinging furry figurines (or stuffed animals).  The worst was that Worm wouldn’t listen to anything I said.  (Is this foreshadowing of what having a teenager is like?)  My words and his brain cells were like two ships passing in the night.  As a note,  my little boy usually responds to 25% of what I say.  Yesterday, his possessed soul would only respond to the voices in his head.

I don’t feed the Worm much in the way of artificial anything.  We try to avoid low-fat, no fat, artificially sweetened, artificially colored, artificially flavored, zero calorie, or diet anything.  That sh!t is so chemically ridden and untested that we’d be better off smoking crack in a cesspit.  And I’m no expert on ADHD either, but after this, um, ‘experience’, I’d be hard pressed not to believe that there’s a connection.  I’ve always felt that it’s not just the sugar that made kids come unhinged, but the artificial crap that usually goes along with it…and now I’m leaning even more that way.

He’s back to his normally fast-paced self today, and half the speed freak he was 24 hours ago.  Maybe it was just a fluke.  Maybe a solar flare was radiating directly at Worm’s little white behind, I don’t know.  But I’ll tell you one thing.  I’m not going to repeat that purchase any time soon.  (You know how when you feel funny after eating something, you tend to avoid that food for a while?)  We’re going to avoid the KK (and their delicious custard filling) for an undetermined time.  I’m scarred.  Yesterday was a day that I’m happy is in the rearview mirror.  (I was counting the seconds for Steph to come home and save me from Bonkers Boy.  I think I threw him at her and ran away before she even walked in the front door.  Sorry, honeybaby!)

For now, we’re avoiding doughnuts and hopefully Bonkers Boy as well…I’m afraid.  I’m very afraid…

Worm, There's Something Different About You Today and I Can't Quite Put My Finger On It...

Worm, There’s Something Different About You Today and I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On It…