Archives for the month of: May, 2012

Not that I would ever do such a thing…on purpose.  But, accidentally?  I could see that happening.  So far, I haven’t done anything to scar my son physically.  Emotionally, I’ve probably wreaked havoc on him.  (There’s a small chance I won’t know until he’s moved out of the house.)

I was reading an article the other day about dangers on a playground.  What I didn’t know was that I could be dangerous enough to break my kid’s leg.

A slide is fun to, er, slide on.  And even though I’m in my late 20’s (ok, early-30’s)  (ok, mid-30’s for Tebow’s sake!), I still get a kick out of scooting down the slide.  (Whee!)  As a father, I want to maximize our laughs on the playground.  So naturally, I perch Gavin atop my lap and we go down the slide together.  (Whee!)  We’ve done it quite a few times already.

But, here’s where it gets dangerous.  If you are sliding down the slide with your child and his/her shoe gets caught under you, the force of your additional weight may be enough to break the child’s leg or injure him or her substantially.

For the physics nerds out there:

  • On top of a slide:  The potential energy of a parent + child > The potential energy of child
  • Potential energy becomes kinetic energy as the parent + child (or child alone) go down the slide.  Disregard thermal energy such as friction burning the seat of your pants on the way down.
  • If a child is sliding down the slide by himself, he may be able to put a foot down to slow and stop himself.  The kinetic force is turned into thermal energy and result in burned rubber on the shoes!
  • If a parent and child are sliding down the slide together, the child may try to put a foot down to slow and stop himself.  But, the kinetic energy of both parent and child may be too great and the mechanical energy of the child’s foot may not be enough to slow and stop parent and child.  Thus, child’s mechanical energy is overcome by the kinetic energy and fracture of bone may occur on descent.  Voila!  Child has broken leg and you are to blame.  Bad parent, bad!

So, in other words, be careful on the playground!  You don’t want to have to go home to your wife and tell her that you broke her kid’s leg.  But, in case you find yourself in this predicament, use one of these 3 excuses to get off scott-free:

  1. He was getting beat up at the playground and we tried to escape by sliding down the slide.  But, _____ (fill in your child’s name here) tried to jump off the slide to retaliate and got his leg stuck under me and broke it.  Our boy’s got the fight of a lion, doesn’t he?  (MAKE YOUR KID THE HERO.)
  2. We climbed to the top of the slide to get a better view of playground and he slipped.  I dove down to save _____ from falling and hitting his head.  As I caught little _____ in my lap, his foot got caught under me and broke.  Don’t worry though, it could have been worse if he broke his head.  (MAKE YOURSELF THE HERO.)
  3. We were at the playground and suddenly, there was this light beam that came down from the sky and started pulling _____ towards a hovering space ship.  I jumped up and grabbed _____.  In falling from the tractor beam’s pull, we landed on the slide.  The impact of the fall caused me to land on _____’s leg, breaking it.  Thank Tebow, it was only a fracture.  Just think what would have happened if the aliens got him.  (THIS ONE’S A LONG SHOT.)

Original article:

Riding the Slide with Your Toddler in Your Lap Could Break Her Leg

You Aliens Have to Try Harder Against These Intelligent Lifeforms!!

There’s one body part that I’ve just realized to be extremely important when caring for my toddler, a strong back.  My back decided it was through working for me today and resigned immediately.  Without back muscles, I’m about 2 inches shorter.  And even worse, I’m walking like a 90-year-old man.

I guess you’re wondering how I’ve been managing the Worm with a bad back.  I can’t lift Worm, I can’t carry Worm, I can’t wrestle with the Worm.  He’s starving because I can’t even feed him.  Ok, I can feed him…but just barely.  (Which is probably NOT going to be a valid excuse when we go back to the pediatrician for his weigh-in next week.  But, that’s a different story.)

I don’t know why my back has deserted me.  Maybe it’s telling me that I need to give it less A-B-U-S-E and more T-L-C.  It’s amazing how much I use my back when caring for a kid.  I lift the Worm about 30 times a day.  He always wants to be picked up and carried from here to there.  The amount of gear that comes with kids is equally back-breaking (pardon my pun).  So, on top of carrying around the Worm, I’m lugging around twice his weight in gear.  (Maybe I should reconsider helping Worm gain weight.  It doesn’t look to be  a win-win situation for all of us.)

What I need is a horse.  Or a dog that is willing to carry our kid stuff.  Wait a minute!  What about Frodo?  Aren’t Siberian Huskies bred to carry stuff?  Maybe what I need is a sled and a whip?  (Once again, the wheels are turning and my brain cells are firing.)  If sledders can get a Husky to mush across Alaska, I can surely get our Husky to mush out to the car in the driveway.  Now, I just need to build a sled…

For now, I’m using heat, massage, and acupuncture (thanks Dayna) to fix my muscles.  Until I’m better, Steph’s going to have to take care of both Worm and I!  (I look at this as a good family bonding opportunity…Steph, I will ‘let’ you rub my back tonight in the name of quality family time!)

Tips to Keeping Your Back Healthy For Your Baby:

  • Always lift with your legs
  • Try to keep your back as upright as possible when lifting
  • Keep arms in close towards body when lifting
  • Try not to lift and rotate the torso at the same time.  This is a good way to herniate a disc in the back.  Lift first.  Then rotate.
  • Exercise abdominal muscles to strengthen core  (Strong abdominals provide support to the back muscles.)
  • Stretch daily.  Stretching keeps the muscles loose and working to full strength.  Cobra pose, pigeon pose, camel pose, etc…try yoga!

Follow these steps and carry your baby until he or she turns 18!

Mush! Mush!

I have recently had the opportunity to interview for a TV series that is going to be based on stay-at-home dads.  Since I have a burning desire to walk the red carpet and have people pay me to wear clothes, I decided to try out.  What the heck, right?  What’s the worst that could happen?  One problem is that Gavin may not want to be on TV.  At this age, he has no say.  (We vote on things all the time, but he never asks any questions or says ‘Aye‘ or ‘Nay’.  So, 85% of the time, I win!)  How do I know what Worm wants?  Does he want everyone in the universe to see what he’s doing and how he’s growing up?  Does he want to be famous?

I thought about all of the great things that could happen if we were on TV:

  • My friends and family could watch us every single day on TV.
  • Gavin could become a reality TV star.
  • It would take my blog to another level.
  • I could get paid for changing diapers and brushing baby teeth.  (Gavin would get paid in jujube’s and jellybeans.)
  • I could eventually have my own talk show!
Then, I thought about all of the bad things that could happen if I was on TV:
  • My friends and family could watch me every single day on TV.
  • I wouldn’t be able to see myself on TV because I don’t have cable.
  • We would have to watch everything we say and do in public.
  • We could get negative press from the media.
  • We could be stalked by the paparazzi.
  • We could end up like the Kardashians.

Things I learned that day:

  • It takes 4 hours to get to L.A. (from San Diego) on a weekday morning.
  • It takes 1 hr and 50 minutes to get home from L.A. (to San Diego) on a weekday at lunch time.
  • I can’t drive more than 2 hours without having to pee.
  • 50 minutes of my camera interview will be condensed into 2-3 minutes.  Therefore, 95% of what I say is worthless.  (Have they been talking to my wife?)
  • There’s a lot of if’s in show business.

Stay tuned.  If I know something, you’ll know something.  If you’ve got any thoughts, feel free to comment!

We’re Just a Couple of Character Actors!!!

We did!  Our world-famous San Diego Zoo passes arrived in the mail, so off we went to see the animals today!

Boy, did we miss the zoo!  (Ok, I missed the zoo.  Worm can’t tell the difference between stuffed and live animals yet.)

Today was the perfect day to visit the zoo.  It was cool and overcast outside and you know what that means?  If you get to the zoo early enough, you can see the creatures out and about doing their thing (i.e. stretching their legs, eating breakfast, reading the paper).  We got to see them up close and personal doing their morning routine!

Since the San Diego Zoo is so large and the time between Gavin naps is so small, we can’t tackle the entire park in one shot.  So, we choose where we want to go the democratic way! By a show of hands, who wants to see the leopards? My hand goes up ecstatically.  By a show of hands, any oppose?  Worm is picking at the Vel-cro on his shoes, which, incidentally, negates all voting privileges!  Hooray!  We are going to see the leopards!

I’ve got about 90 minutes to find the leopards, see everything else along the way, and get back to Eleanor (my faithful Land Cruiser).

As we pass through the zoo, I see: capybara, kopje, elephants, rattlesnakes, condors, zebra, giraffe, secretary birds, peacocks, flamingos, leopards, wow!

As we pass through the zoo, Worm sees: something furry, zooworker sweeping up trash, something furry, metal sign, something huge and not-so-furry, cable railing, something slithery, sprinkler head, something feathery, a baby, something stripy and not-so-furry, a tour bus wheel, something super tall and not-so-furry, a zooworker equipment truck, a zooworker pushing a large trash bin, a machine that presses pennies into zoo pictures, silicone sealant between two pieces of glass, wow!

It’s amazing how two people can go to the same place and see it so differently, eh?

 

How do I explain to Worm that you can see things like sprinkler heads, babies and tour bus wheels outside of the zoo?  Instead of going to the zoo, we could have just taken public transportation through downtown San Diego.  He probably would have been more interested…

Maybe next time, I’ll drop him off at the bus stop with an all day transfer pass and I’ll go to the zoo!

The San Diego zoo is awesome! There’s so much to see!

It’s one of those days,

A busy-ness haze.

There’s no time to rest!

There’s no time to graze!

—–

It’s quarter to nine.

And not normally when

The Worm gets his nap,

Which is around 10.

—–

Dinner last night has

Won over my gut.

It’s making some noise

To get out.  Now what?

—–

Worm can’t be left un-

watched in the abode.

I’ve gotta go bad,

Or else I’ll explode!

—–

My only option

Is for Worm to view

His dad on the can.

How awkward! Pee Yew!

—–

I hope that Worm is

Not scarred yet again.

By watching me do

Something quite un-zen.

—–

Worm, forgive me for

Forcing you to be

Locked in the bathroom

With my poo and me!

Look, Maybe You Shouldn't Bring Me in The Bathroom With You Next Time. Ok?

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