I got off the phone with mom and dad earlier. And both of them agree with my wife that Worm should be in daycare more than once a week.
The three of them just don’t see what I see. In our conversation, I just couldn’t get through to them that school (daycare, in our case) isn’t as good an idea that they think it is. And more education is not the answer! (Does saying that make me a Republican?)
Worm and I have a good thing going. He loves to be with me when Trotro is not on TV and I love to be with him unless I’m Facebooking. I’m a shark and he’s my pilot fish. We need each other. And if he’s away from me for too long, the parasites of boredom will come nibble at my body until I disappear into oblivion. He keeps me from having my own life nothing to do!
I’ve heard it before that kids are like sponges. Their tiny brains are making tens of thousands of connections daily. More stimulation is better. Social activities build character. Blah, blah, blah. I’ve no doubt that my son has a microprocessor of a brain. He gets a lot of stuff already that I never thought he would understand at the young age of 2.45. I never needed to explain to him that there weren’t any real people inside the TV, or that nothing has been proven to be faster than the speed of light. He just seemed to understand.
So, I ask the question. What’s there for him to learn at school? Practically nothing, if you ask me. School is a germ infested Petri dish of a soon-to-be reality show where viewers will gain weekly chuckles from watching toddlers doing dumb things like cutting each others ears off with scissors, or playing “Who can poop a pencil eraser”. Every child that makes it through the day will have the chance to vote someone else off the playground. And the last surviving cast member will get a lifetime (which will be shortened substantially by any one) of free soft drinks, cotton candy, and Ginsu knives. I’m digressing, aren’t I?
Well, without further ado…here are 5 reasons why me, a professional SAHD, would rather my son learn from me than go to daycare/school:
- Communicable diseases – Sure, he’s licked everything in our house except for the dogs’ butts. But these are germs that he knows and loves! His body has accepted our microbial housemates. At school, Worm could potentially lick other people’s dogs’ butts (indirectly, of course) and that could get him sick. Besides, it’s gross. It’s a fact that he can stay healthier here at home with me.
- Potentially dangerous toys – At home, I’ve analysed and spreadsheet-ed all the toys we own and provided a realistic probability chart of toy hazards, such as choke (eat), projectile (throw), drop on limb (gravity), and whether or not said toy poses a threat when laying on the ground (for example: jacks and ninja shuriken). I’ve calculated that we’ve ruled out 99.5% danger using my algorithm. The potential for harm at school is exponentially larger. What if Worm sits on a hypodermic needle or falls from the ceiling fan? School’s dangerous (hence, it’s why we don’t own a ceiling fan, either).
- Education – I’m smarter than two-thirds of the toddlers at Worm’s daycare. (A strong assumption.) What’s he going to learn from a child that can’t even complete a sentence. Nothing! So, if I want the best education for Worm, it’s going to be here with me. We do ABCD’s every day…What do they do every day? Paint? That’s not learning anything except ‘How to make a mess and have someone else clean it up!’
- Peer pressure – I peer pressure Worm in positive ways. (I get on my knees to talk to him. The term ‘peer’ is more about making yourself look about the same size, not about actually being the same age. It’s a common misconception.) I get Worm to do things that are good for him. I dare him to eat 20 pieces of broccoli as fast as he can and funnel a 12oz. of carrot juice. At school, I’m sure his buddies will try to make my little boy do things like pull his pants down and pee in a corner, or convince him to put rocks in some poor girl’s mattress before nap time. No one wins at school. But everyone wins at home…
- Cool factor – What’s more rad than saying that you hung out with your dad…all…day…long? Nothing that I can think of. Well, maybe quantifying the forces of subatomic particles. But after that, nothing.
So you see mom, dad, and wifie? Those are some pretty convincing arguments against Worm doing more daycare. The superior solution is more Honeydaddy time! Just remember, he loves it just as much as I do! And if he doesn’t love it, I just force him to! School is very last century technology…
I’m Teaching You About Life, Worm. Life!
Gavin – 27; Honeydaddy – 17 (If there’s one thing I can really teach you, Wormie…it’s to love, and be loved.)
Me vs. Gavin 
School is not all it’s cracked up to be! So you can have him from 3:00pm to 8:00am, and let him be with the rest of the world for the lesser time. How else will Worm experience childhood,social development and structure! And so far no one has come up with something better, so until then, we’ll call it ‘Kids Cave’ until he figures it out.
thanks ! nice post!
I had Maddy in daycare for about 1.5 years. She was 16 months when she started. Before that, we were home with her everyday. She already knew how to speak like a 4-5 year old. She was speaking in full sentences, could feed herself, walked perfectly and was ready for anything. She did really great at daycare. Her “teachers” were wonderful caregivers. She learned social interactions and always took a nap. I hated having to take her there everyday. Unfortunately with day care, there are always the unknowns. I didn’t really have to worry about her getting sick.(she was breastfed til she was 2 for goodness sakes!) But the biggest obstacle for me was the bully in her class. He bit her, hit her (in front of me), pushed her, took her toys. With they way things worked, the teachers and staff could not point me to the parent of the child so we could discuss it. It was all handled anonymously. Which in turn meant nothing was really ever done about it. Maddy finally had had enough and started biting this child. Left good marks too! They tell you this is normal because children don’t know how to express their frustrations at this age due to a lack of communication skills. Believe me, my kid had no problem telling me who it was, what they did, and I darn sure know she could tell her “teachers” as well. I had to go to the manager several times to get the bully removed from the class. Only problem was, he was moved to another class to bully other children. After the twins were born, we were lucky enough to have a nanny come the the house. Such a HUGE difference. She stopped taking naps, but she is a much happier kid. She can play and learn at her speed. Take time with her daddy when he has a break from work. Be with her brothers and be in the comfort of her own home. I love her being at home. She can get social interaction with activities with kids when she goes to pre-k. Being with their families and siblings is the best way to learn how to play well will others. I don’t hate daycare, Maya had to be there. But I definitely prefer the kids being at home.
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