It’s been a while since I’ve last posted.  I’ve been recovering both mentally and physically from our trip to Disneyland.

Why would any parents take their kids to Disneyland?  Termite tenting.  (It’s the #248th reason families visit the theme park.  It’s right below “Wanting to hear thousands of screaming children screaming and barfing in giant spinning teacups”.)

Our house was being sprayed and we had to leave.  We needed to go SOMEWHERE.  And silly us, we thought that visiting the “happiest place on earth” would be worth the two-hour drive.

We were wrong.

My marbles haven’t completely come back to me, but let’s recap.  Two hours in a car with anyone under the age of 21 just plain sucks.  I’m not sure why anyone would go through that type of confined suffering, unless it was to drop the kids off at the grandparents…

They’re awful in the car on long trips.  Smushie has become more, um, opinionated.  When she wants something, she’ll let us know.  Usually, it’s by screaming and crying.  But mostly, it’s by screaming.  She has to hit at least 120dB with her wail.  (My ears ring like they would after a rock concert.)  It only gets better when the Worm tries to match her intensity.  It’s the only time I think stereo sound is overrated.

When we booked the hotel room for our trip, there was no double crib option.  Instead, we got another queen size bed.  We only have one portable crib, so that meant one child was going to have to sleep in a bed with a grownup.  (Remember, bot of our kids are still in a cage crib at home.) Wormie nominated himself to spend the night with me.  And that first night, he marked his territory by peeing on it.  (I remember jumping out of bed at midnight with a wet hand, yelping “Steph!  STEPH!  What is this?” as if there was radioactive waste on me.  Ah, memories.

Now for the theme park.  We get to Disney on Superbowl Sunday (supposedly the best time of year to visit)  and the rumors were valid.  It’s not as crowded.  The longest line for a ride was 30 minutes.  Not that we went on many.  The environment was so new and different, the kids’ brains overloaded within the first hour.  They fell asleep in their strollers, steam pouring from their ears.  Though, it wasn’t as bad as you’d think.  Steph and I got to enjoy a walk with some uninterrupted conversation:

Me:  “You look nice today!  You did something to your hair, didn’t you?”

Steph:  “Honey, I got it cut and colored two months ago!”

And we spent the rest of their nap time trying to remember who it was that we had married.

If I could really just list 8 things I learned about taking a 1-year-old and a 2.5 year old to Disneyland, it would be these here:

  1. The fake mustache trick to get on the big kid rides doesn’t work.  It’s not that believable on a baby girl.  Besides, it’s a height restriction not an age limit.  Most rides are 40″ or 42″.
  2. If your kids want to ride something and you think it’s a bit out of his/her league, scream and run away as fast as you can.  Later, tell your child that you saw a ghost and you don’t want to go near that ride again.  Works every time.
  3. You will walk 10 miles carrying 30 lbs of gear and still be unreasonably expected to feed, change, and cater to your children.
  4. If you have any grand ideas that you will be videotaping and snapping photos of your toddlers doing cool stuff at the theme park, don’t.  Especially if it’s your first theme park visit, you’ll be much too busy saving them from eating food off the ground, running full-bore into random strangers, digging up plants from the landscape, and swimming in the pond with the ducks.
  5. Don’t go into the gift shops unless you want to buy everything inside…and/or hear your child whine about wanting everything inside.
  6. If you’re not a fan of mobs of people, hop the Disneyland gate after it closes.  Otherwise, Superbowl Sunday really is the next least crowded day to visit.
  7. The amusement park isn’t nearly as fun as the telephone and plastic cups in the hotel room.
  8. Stay for the parade.  It’s the best part of the day for little ones.

Worm, I came home exhausted from our trip.  I didn’t feel like it was the happiest place on earth like the brochure said.  (I may have missed the fine print disclaimer.)  And from the looks of it, you slept through half of the Disney experience and cried for pretty much the entire other half.

I must say that for a total of one hour of the forty-eight we spent in Anaheim, you were grinning from ear to ear.  And every time you got that big, cheesy smile, I was elated.  For me, you are the happiest place on earth.  You’re my Disneyland.

This Was a Dream Come True for Worm!  A Life Size Mater!

This Was a Dream Come True for Worm! A Life Size Mater!

Gavin – 30; Honeydaddy – 17 (Worm, the look on your face when you saw Mater was unforgettable.  I’m glad your eyes didn’t pop out of your head!)