Archives for posts with tag: best dad blog

The 5-Second Standing Rule

December 6, 2013 //
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I feel like a stranger to my own blog!  It’s been way too long since I last posted.  Anyhow, imagine that I wrote this a couple weeks ago and it will give me a chance to catch up.

Smushie is now straightleggedly upright.  She’s standing!

And that would be a great thing, if she wouldn’t try grabbing all the new items within her reach…such as loose articles on the coffee tables, end tables, TV entertainment center, couch, book shelf bottoms, my desk drawers.  We are being forced to live above the 36″ line.

The girl is strong.  She does sit-ups while we change her diapers in the morning.  (No joke.)  She slaps her mom and I around when we aren’t paying attention to her.  When close enough, Smush rips our hair out for giggles.  So it wasn’t much of a surprise for her to power herself to vertical on her own so soon.  (The Worm didn’t walk until almost 18 months.)

There are two camps of parents.  The first group, praises their child’s accomplishments as soon as it happens the first time.  For example:

Parent:  “Son, can you count to 5 for me?”

2-year old Son: “Fee One Fuh One Fie Nine!”

Parent: “Oh my god!  He just calculated pi to the 5th significant digit!  We’ve got to send him to Harvard THIS YEAR”

Then there’s the second group of parents, that REALLY need to see the ‘first time’ a few more times to believe it really happened.

Parent:  “Ok sweetie, I’ve isolated any outside forces that may alter your chances of success at riding your bike.  There’s no wind today.  I checked that the pavement is perfectly level and the gravitational pull of the moon on your bicycle is negligible.  A bike that is coasting is not really riding, right?  Are you ready to try?”

2-year old daughter:  “Ahhhhhhhhh! I did it!”

Parent:  “I don’t know, sweetie.  Can you try that two more times?  The first time may have been a fluke!”

I fit squarely into the second camp.  Why?  Because if I falsely told family and friends that my Smushie-kins was standing before she was able to, it could place undue mental stress, anguish, and performance pressure onto her conscience.  I don’t know of any 10-month old that can withstand the anxiety!  (Though, I’m sure some pharmaceutical company already has drugs out to “fix” this infant psychosis…sorry, I digress.)

Since I couldn’t allow my child to bear the burden of my foolish fatherly pride, I drew a line in the sand for me her.  Made this milestone more concrete.  Tangible.

I, hereby, declare the 5-second standing rule.  Any baby not standing for a time equal or greater to five seconds is not considered standing, but probably being held up by wind, pole, starched clothing, snake oil, or other  artificial cause other than self-contained muscles.

And she did it!

To help other compulsive parents, I’ve decided to start standardizing all of the child development milestones and compile them into a book I’m writing “How to Know for Certain When Your Child is Making Progress – A Book For Neurotic Parents That Want to Quantify Everything and Leave Nothing to Chance, Luck, or Time”

I Think a Straightjacket is Easier Than Babyproofing the House from Smush.

I Think a Straightjacket is Easier Than Babyproofing our House for Smush.

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Categories Education

Diaper Dude Dude Bag

February 3, 2012 //
1

Dude, Where's My Bag?

Yes, dude is in the title twice.  The first dude is for the company name, Diaper Dude.  The second dude is for the name of this particular bag, the Dude Bag.  Got it?  Good.

This guy, Chris Pegula, is a genius.  He invented these diaper bags for men.  He knew that men didn’t want to embarrass themselves by carrying diapers and baby stuff in a pink and paisley pussycat themed bag.  (Just a little emasculating, don’t you think?)  So, he created Diaper Dude, bags that are functional and manly.  And manly.

This particular Dude Bag is the original gangsta’.  It’s what made Diaper Dude, well, Diaper Dude.  It’s a shoulder bag with just enough compartments for you to keep track of your stuff.  (Too many compartments and it starts to be a woman’s bag…like, I have an earrings pocket, phone pocket, watch pocket, breath mints pocket, credit cards pocket, change pocket, keys pocket, mascara pocket, lipstick pocket, and even a pocket pocket.  It’s a pocket to hold a pocket.  And men wonder why women can’t find anything in their purses…)

I love this bag.  This is our only diaper bag (which says a lot).  We have the gray and orange one.  There are a few other styles and all are  Y-chromosome friendly (for example:  camo, black, and plaid).  The bag is easy to carry and has an adjustable strap.  The zippers are large enough for my hands and durable for when we have to cram everything into one pocket for no reason, which happens often with me.

There are a ton of features that I like on this bag:  cellphone holder, two front small pockets, a large middle pocket and two rear stretchy stuff pouches in the back.  I use every part of this bag and it’s got everything I need and nothing I don’t.  (Steph even likes it, and she’s not a dude!)  There’s really not much that blows my mind about this bag, but that’s the beauty of it.  It does exactly what it was designed for, no more, no less.  It’s durable, dependable, and useful, just like a dad should be.  It fits perfectly into the fabric of our lives.  (Isn’t that from a commercial?)

By the way, they’ve even added a few bag designs for the not-so-girly girls.

———-

Overall Rating:  10 Worms   

Ease of Use:  10 Worms  

Performance:  10 Worms 

Features:  9 Worms 

Durability:  10 Worms 

Manliness:  10 Worms (It’s made by a dude, for a dude.)

Retail Price:  $60

———-

Pros:

Large zippers, easy access pockets, changing pad, padded back, cellphone pocket, stroller clips, key clip, durable polyester material.

Cons:

Waterproof outer would be nice.

Things I would modify:

Make the cell phone pocket larger.  Mine barely fits and it’s an HTC Droid.

Where to find:

http://www.diaperdude.com

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Categories Product Reviews

Rocking Out to 2Pac at 1 Day Old

February 3, 2012 //
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Can You Hear Me Now?

This is the 3rd hearing test for the Worm.  At the hospital, they will give the hearing test multiple times if one or both sides fail.  Gavin failed the first hearing test on the right side.  (I thought he was only going to have one good ear, but I made amends with it because one good ear is better than none, right?)  The second time he took the test, he failed again.  (I made amends with this again, because it hadn’t quite sunk in that he could be deaf in one ear yet.)  The nurse said that the reason for the hearing test failure was that there could be fluid stuck in his ear, so she gave Gavin some drops and I held him over my shoulder for a few minutes to let the ear solution unclog his ear.  Voila!  She was right and he passed the third test with both ears functional!  Yeah!  He will have no excuse hearing me yell at him!

If you’re wondering about the above setup, the red and blue are the headphones and the electrode on the forehead is the probe.  The baby needs to be sleeping for the test to work properly, hence my dirty finger in his mouth.

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Categories GPOD

Purple Nurple? The Dylanobscuro Effect

January 24, 2012 //
4

I’m a new dad.  Of course, you knew that.  So, there are things that I don’t know about babies.  (It’s hard even for me to believe.)  But, I’m learning.

For example, the other day I was changing Gavin’s pajamas.  As a normal routine, I check his body for cuts, scrapes, bruises, redness, rash, etc.  (I’m a medical professional.  It’s a habit.)  I also look at the color (or lack of color) of his skin.  And if you remember from some of my other posts, Gavin’s a little on the white side.  Ok, he’s a lot on the white side.  (For the first 7 months of his life, he had less melanin in his skin than my wife, Steph.)

Since then, Gavin’s gotten some coloration.  His skin is not as light as Steph’s anymore, but it’s definitely not the caramel cinnamon cocoa color of his old man.

Again, the other day I was checking out the Worm’s skin like normal and I was shocked to see that his areolas had darkened.  Now, it doesn’t freak me out or anything because it’s not like his nipples turned purple.  But, they’ve definitely changed color from a pinky pink to a browny pink.  (Ladies, you can translate that to whatever name I’m sure you already have in your color palette.  But, to keep things simple for the guys reading this, pinky pink and browny pink are extremely accurate descriptions.)

I’ve done searches online and I didn’t find anything about baby nipples changing color as they get older.  The only search results that come up for me are for mom’s areolas changing color during and/or after pregnancy.  And the other searches come up with nipple rings and other weird stuff like that. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

So, here I am stating to the world that I have the first documented internet webpage denoting that baby nipples can actually change color as they age.  For the record, Gavin was 9 and 1/2 months when this happened.  In return for sharing such said knowledge to the world, I proudly accept the new term for baby nipple pigmentation, Dylanobscuro.  (Obscuro means darkness in Latin, duh!)

So, if your baby begins to gain more pigmentation as he or she ages, it’s only the Dylanobscuro effect.  (Add it to your MS Word dictionary people!)

My explanation of why this is happening is because Steph and I have a mixed up baby.  Two different species races. We’re seeing different genes and characteristics manifesting at different periods of baby’s growth.  Pretty interesting.  It reminds me of the old saying “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”  (Come on, that movie was 18 years ago!  That’s old!)  And we’re not sure how the Worm is going to turn out.  But, if you are interested, stay tuned to Me vs. Gavin!

And I can’t show you his nipples because then you’d be looking at child pornography (only in America, right?).  So, to save you a trip to jail and to save me from having my website shut down, I leave you with the edited picture below.  It’s safe for you to view now.  It’s safe for America now.

Uh, Dad what are you doing?

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Categories MVG Oddities
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