Archives for posts with tag: funny dad blog

The Kalorik Baby Food Maker (Kalorik Baby Gourmet) was a purchase made through coincidence. A friend had given us a gift card to Sur La Table, and since cooking adult food had moved far down on my list of priorities after the kiddo came along, we decided to use it to purchase this baby food maker that another friend had been lusting after. We figured she and I could have baby food prep parties, sipping wine and talking about our beloved DD and DS whilst the Kalorik practically made the food itself.

Turns out, not so much. While I can definitely see the benefit of this unit for someone who has a micro-sized kitchen and no storage space to keep the pots/steaming baskets/food processor that is needed to make baby food without it, the unit does leave a bit to be desired (I have a feeling others share my sentiments considering the current going price for this machine has dropped into the $60 range, whereas you couldn’t find it for less than retail ($99) anywhere when we bought it last year).

Kalorik Baby Gourmet

The use of the unit is super simple. There is a port to put in the water, which is measured out with a handy measuring cup that has increments of not only milliliters and ounces, but also steam time.  This way you can guestimate how much water you need to add based upon a guess of how much time will be needed to steam something (this is useful as the instruction manual only lists about a dozen example foods and steaming times).  You pour the water into the port, screw in the knob (better not lose that as the unit won’t work without it), lock in the main bowl, put in the steaming basket, put in your evenly cubed fruits and vegetables, lock on the tip, turn the knob to steam and voila… it turns off automatically once the steam runs out.

While it is simple to use (and I lost the instructions after the first time setting it up, so it must be easy to figure out as I have very little mechanical aptitude), there is a lot left to be desired in the design.

First off, the basket only holds about 2 cups of cubed fruit/veggies.  This translates into about a cup of cooked food. Which is fine for when you are just introducing solids and are only making enough for a few days at a time, but when your ravenous infant is eating 2-3 cups of purees a day, the tiny output doesn’t cut it.

It is a bit difficult to have the transfer the scalding cooked fruit/veggies from the steaming basket (which has no handle) back into the main bowl, AND manage to get the blade on without smooshing food into the gears or burning the crap out of yourself.

Cleaning the unit can be a pain, and there are parts that will never get clean. The steam port on the main bowl that lets the steam in from the base is screwed on and not removable. (That may have changed on the newer model.)

Steam Port on Kalorik Baby Food Processor

It also doesn’t have a flow back prevention valve, which means that when you blend in the main bowl, pureed food seeps back into the port. And you can’t rinse or scrub it out. So the food just sits there. Forever.

Also, the plastic on the base cracked almost within the first week (and no, it wasn’t because Dylan was showing Gavin Kung Fu moves with it), and the blending is SUPER loud, even more so than the mini food processor we own.

So, all in all, I probably wouldn’t buy this again. In fact, I am going out this weekend to buy a full size food processor to make sure I can make enough food at one time to last the week without having the prepare 17 batches of the same thing.

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Overall Rating:  5 Worms

Ease of Use: 7 Worms

Performance:  6 Worms

Features:  5 Worms

Durability:  3 Worms

Manliness:  5 Worms (Your man may make the baby food, but I have a hunch he probably ain’t gonna use this)

Retail Price:  $99

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Pros:

Purees food much smoother than a regular food processor.  If you don’t have the storage space for a full size food processor and steaming pans, this is a nice compact little all-in-one unit that will allow you to make some small batches of food at home and it’s easy enough that a caveman (or husband) could use it.

Cons:

The blending is very noisy (not so good when you’re trying to sneak in some food preparation while baby’s napping); the steaming port on the main bowl is impossible to clean out (yuk); it is not very durable.

Things I would modify:

Definitely allow for the steam port to be rinsed out (Maybe changed on the newer model); make the bowl and steam basket bigger; increase the durability of the base.

Where to find:

http://www.kalorik.com/Kalorik-html/itempages/foodpros/MCH-33526-Y.html

Dude, Where's My Bag?

Yes, dude is in the title twice.  The first dude is for the company name, Diaper Dude.  The second dude is for the name of this particular bag, the Dude Bag.  Got it?  Good.

This guy, Chris Pegula, is a genius.  He invented these diaper bags for men.  He knew that men didn’t want to embarrass themselves by carrying diapers and baby stuff in a pink and paisley pussycat themed bag.  (Just a little emasculating, don’t you think?)  So, he created Diaper Dude, bags that are functional and manly.  And manly.

This particular Dude Bag is the original gangsta’.  It’s what made Diaper Dude, well, Diaper Dude.  It’s a shoulder bag with just enough compartments for you to keep track of your stuff.  (Too many compartments and it starts to be a woman’s bag…like, I have an earrings pocket, phone pocket, watch pocket, breath mints pocket, credit cards pocket, change pocket, keys pocket, mascara pocket, lipstick pocket, and even a pocket pocket.  It’s a pocket to hold a pocket.  And men wonder why women can’t find anything in their purses…)

I love this bag.  This is our only diaper bag (which says a lot).  We have the gray and orange one.  There are a few other styles and all are  Y-chromosome friendly (for example:  camo, black, and plaid).  The bag is easy to carry and has an adjustable strap.  The zippers are large enough for my hands and durable for when we have to cram everything into one pocket for no reason, which happens often with me.

There are a ton of features that I like on this bag:  cellphone holder, two front small pockets, a large middle pocket and two rear stretchy stuff pouches in the back.  I use every part of this bag and it’s got everything I need and nothing I don’t.  (Steph even likes it, and she’s not a dude!)  There’s really not much that blows my mind about this bag, but that’s the beauty of it.  It does exactly what it was designed for, no more, no less.  It’s durable, dependable, and useful, just like a dad should be.  It fits perfectly into the fabric of our lives.  (Isn’t that from a commercial?)

By the way, they’ve even added a few bag designs for the not-so-girly girls.

———-

Overall Rating:  10 Worms   

Ease of Use:  10 Worms  

Performance:  10 Worms 

Features:  9 Worms 

Durability:  10 Worms 

Manliness:  10 Worms (It’s made by a dude, for a dude.)

Retail Price:  $60

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Pros:

Large zippers, easy access pockets, changing pad, padded back, cellphone pocket, stroller clips, key clip, durable polyester material.

Cons:

Waterproof outer would be nice.

Things I would modify:

Make the cell phone pocket larger.  Mine barely fits and it’s an HTC Droid.

Where to find:

http://www.diaperdude.com

Can You Hear Me Now?

This is the 3rd hearing test for the Worm.  At the hospital, they will give the hearing test multiple times if one or both sides fail.  Gavin failed the first hearing test on the right side.  (I thought he was only going to have one good ear, but I made amends with it because one good ear is better than none, right?)  The second time he took the test, he failed again.  (I made amends with this again, because it hadn’t quite sunk in that he could be deaf in one ear yet.)  The nurse said that the reason for the hearing test failure was that there could be fluid stuck in his ear, so she gave Gavin some drops and I held him over my shoulder for a few minutes to let the ear solution unclog his ear.  Voila!  She was right and he passed the third test with both ears functional!  Yeah!  He will have no excuse hearing me yell at him!

If you’re wondering about the above setup, the red and blue are the headphones and the electrode on the forehead is the probe.  The baby needs to be sleeping for the test to work properly, hence my dirty finger in his mouth.

I don’t know whether to be proud of this or embarrassed, so I’m just going to think glass half-full.

As a teenager, I worked at a little supermarket in my neighborhood.  It was my dojo.  Kind of like the Karate Kid movie (the real one) where Ralph Macchio was washing cars and learning Karate. I, on the other hand, was honing my martial art techniques by bagging groceries.

Left hand cups the canned vegetables, right hand palms the lettuce.  Make eye contact with customer.  Is she going to tip me?  No?  Lettuce to the bottom of the grocery bag and canned vegetables directly on top.  Repeat with avocados and canned beans coming down the conveyor.  This time, eyes closed.

With this intense supermarket training, I was able to sharpen my hand speed and coordination.  By the end of my 2 years there, I was able to make the bagels on aisle 10 crumble to the ground with only a glancing blow.

Young student says “Master, when will I know that I’m done here?”
Old master replies “When you are no longer pink in the middle.”

Little did I know, that 20 years later, I still maintained my supermarket skills.  And I would need it to save the life of my son, Gavin.

Steph and I are in the bedroom.  It’s morning and she’s getting ready for work.  The Worm’s awake so she gets him out of his crib, brings him into our room and plops him down on the bed.  “Watch him, ok?”  She goes to the bathroom and fixes her hair.  Gavin and I are both sitting on the bed looking at each other.  The Worm then starts crawling around atop the duvet.  (You know where this is going, right?)  I’m caught up in conversation with Steph and I’ve got one eye on Gavin.  Well, he crawls to the edge of the bed and looks over.  I think nothing of it, because in my conscious mind, no rational baby would want to leap off the edge of the bed and plunge 2 feet to their fate…

This one’s not rational.  He dives.

This is an exact reenactment.

In the flash of half a second, I lunge towards him and grab onto his right lower leg catching him with his head dangling 2 inches from the ground.  (It was a one-handed grab, in case you were wondering.)  On a side note, since all the great techniques have names I call this one “Oak tree Catches Flying Squirrel

Afterwards, with baby safe on the bed again, my adrenalin kicked in.  I also realized Steph watched the whole thing in the bathroom mirror.  (Yes, I got an earful from her.)  If I had missed, I’m pretty sure there would have been two doctor’s visits, one for his head and one for my a$$.  (I’m sorry Steph.  You are right again, as always.  It won’t happen again.  You are the prettiest woman in the universe.)

I’m patting myself on the back for this one.  I’m still in the awe part of my awesomeness.

Gavin – 5; Dad – 4

I entered Gavin in a cutest baby contest.  I’m a little sheepish about this.  (SHAMELESS PLUG:  If you read Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine, you can vote for the Worm.) I never thought I would ever do such a thing.  I’m a man, for crying out loud!  (Which is something men don’t do, by the way.) So, why would I even think to do this?

I know every mother thinks their kid is the most beautiful thing in the universe, but that’s hormones playing with a woman’s mind!  I’m not a woman and I don’t even have hormones!  (At times, Steph thinks that I barely even have a heart!)  What’s gotten into me?  Does spending too much time with a baby generate estrogens in a man?  (Why is my underwear suddenly more baggy in the front?)

Is my sanity in fatherhood spiraling out of control?  Is SAHD life making me soft?  (Am I growing man boobs?)

I feel like a different man.  Not quite a wo-man, but a more sensitive man…I guess I would say a Wham!-man.  I’m no longer a Bad Boy.  For certain, Last Christmas, I was a manly man.  (How many Wham! song references can I make?) Now, I’m a sopping, photo-taking, face-wiping, diaper-changing shadow of my former self.

Is this going to lead to professional photo shoots in Gavin’s future?  Yes.  Will I be his driver for his future road-trip beauty pageants all over America? Yes!

The ultimate question is….Will I teach him how to toss a baton?  Yes!

We’ll be kicking ass and taking names, my Little Miss Sunshine.  Toddlers and Tiaras?  Hell no, Toddlers and Testicles.

Look out for us on the baby beauty pageant circuit.  We’ll be in the old Land Cruiser.

Photolicious!

 

Cover of "How to Dad"

How To Dad By John Boswell and Ron Barrett

I received How To Dad By John Boswell and Ron Barrett as a gift.  It’s a fun book that I’m not ready for yet.  I mean Gavin isn’t ready for yet.  He’s almost 10 months old, and even though he’s big for his age, I don’t think he’s ready to catch a baseball at this moment.  (But, it won’t stop me from trying to toss one at him…)

Steph and I received a ton of books from our family before Gavin came.  (Maybe our parents agreed that she and I needed some serious guidance on parenthood.)  One day, about a year ago, I was sitting beside myself waiting for my clone baby to be born.  So, I read How To Dad from cover to cover.  It’s a short read and is 80 pages.  (I read slowly, so it was 3 weeks of reading for me.)  After going through the book, I could say that I was pretty excited for Gavin and I to start doing these fun things together.  Almost excited enough to start pulling the baby out of Steph’s body myself.

Boswell and Barrett know how to strike a chord with fathers in this book.  I kept flashing back through my own memories of my dad doing lots of these things with me.  I love my dad for spending this time with me and I hope that one day I will get to do this with my son.  With this book, I’m sure I won’t miss any of the finer father-son teaching moments.

The book is written well enough for both parents and children to read.  It’s a fun book and has cute illustrations on every page.  It touches on how to perform various life tasks (like whistling and snapping your fingers) and just as important, how not to perform them.

I enjoyed reading How To Dad before Gavin was born and I will be sure to dust it off and review it once Gavin is old enough to start doing cool stuff with his old man.  This book makes a great gift for Father’s day too!

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Overall Rating:  8 Worms

Readability:  9 Worms

Usefulness:  8 Worms  (This rating depends on how much you already know.)

Manliness:  10 Worms  (Nothing makes you more of a man than spending time with your kids.)

Retail Price:  $9.95

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Pros:

Lots of cool things that you can (learn for yourself as well as) teach your kids.  Teach them how to: throw a football, bait a hook, ride a bike, build a campfire, and lots more.  It’s geared towards kids that are a little older.  I would say this book is great for ages 4 and up.  This book gives some pretty nice techniques on HOW to teach your kids to do something.  It is an excellent guide for you to review if you tend to have difficulty explaining things to your children in a way they can understand.  In fact, you can even let your kids read it!

Cons:

Nothing.

Things I would modify:

Nothing.

Cleaned Up and Ready to...Sleep

This picture was taken a little while after the incident with the lederhosen and the pitchfork.  What?  I’m trying to make this picture interesting…Ok, he’s napping soon after completing his descent from the warmth of mom’s womb.