Should I teach Gavin about the middle finger?  Before his friends teach him?  On Sunday, I watched the Super Bowl along with the halftime show featuring Madonna.  I enjoyed it as much as anyone without HD TV can.  (We used to have HD Cable, but I couldn’t justify $120 for 3 hours of TV a month.  So, we now have basic cable…18 channels.  I think.)

Madonna sang some of her classic songs and her contortionists wriggled and twisted themselves around her.  LMFAO made their appearance.  Then there was M.I.A. (who sang the catchy “Paper Planes” song…) onscreen doing her thing and suddenly flicks everyone off!  (I thought she was looking directly at me when she threw up the middle finger and let’s just say she and I “had a moment”.  For a second, I thought it was a proposition.)  The thing is that it never registered in my brain as offensive or disrespectful.  In fact, it wasn’t until I read about her now infamous left hand salute that I realized that it was a big deal.  But, to who?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but a middle finger is just like the other fingers, only a little longer.  If given the choice to be offended by either a Janet Jackson areola or M.I.A. finger during Superbowl, I’ll pick Janet anytime…which reminds me that I should start taping these saucy halftime shows.

Gavin’s not old enough to understand what offensive gestures are.  (An example would be picking someone else’s nose, which is why his fingers are constantly scavenging my nostrils.  If it was anyone else, I’d fly off the handle.  Maybe not for Lindsay Lohan, though.  I digress.)  In this instance, I got off explanation free.  But, it got me wondering how to approach this 4 years from now, when Gavin sees something like this, the media is up in arms (and bans middle fingers in the U.S.A. to “protect our ignorance innocence children”) and he wonders why.

I’m in the boat where I’d rather the Worm learn these gestures from me (I’ve got a bag full of them.) rather than from someone else.  Will I teach him the middle finger?  Yes.  Why?  Because I want him to know how to use it correctly…like when someone cuts you off on the freeway, or when some kid tells him a momma joke, or when his boss tells him he’s gotta work on the weekend.  Correct usage is important.  Flipping the bird is an art.  Waving the one finger salute used to be meaningful.  It’s gone to s#!t due to abuse and overuse.  I’m going to make it rise to superpower status again, just like our country.

A middle finger means nothing unless the attached brain and body have some reason to throw it up.  Secondly, it has to be directed at someone or something.  M.I.A’s wagging finger meant nothing to me.  We’ve got no beef, (unless she hates my blog).  Maybe it was meant for someone in particular, but only she knows this.  And the people who are crying that their 5-year-old is now screwed up after seeing this during a “family show” is looking for someone to blame.  Your 5-year-old is screwed up because you smoke crack and burn cigarettes on your kid’s arms.

A wise man once told me, “Don’t fear the finger (unless there’s a booger on it).”  Ok I said that, but let’s pretend I’m wise.

Where was I going with this blog post?  Oh yeah, right here:

In my country, this is how we say 'Hi'


If you want to know some cool history about the middle finger, see link below: