Archives for the month of: January, 2013

May 2011

Barely over a month into fatherhood.  Sleep deprived and brain dead, I decided to test my mental acuity this morning.

Trying to find a simple way to gauge brain activity, I quizzed myself with this:

Put a banana near a non-banana.  Close eyes.  Open eyes.  Pick up the object you think most closely resembles a banana and eat it.

Whew, I Picked the Correct One!

Come On Worm, Don’t Be Sore at Me!  I Had a 50:50 Chance!

I guessed correctly.  Whew!  It would have been difficult to explain to authorities why my baby had a bite-sized chunk missing from his hairy little forehead…

I’ve been busy. That’s my excuse for GPOD grinding to a halt. It was a great idea back in March…but then life got in the way. So my new year’s resolution is to keep all the kids’ media organized (kind of like my brain) from the start. I’m bringing this branch of MVG back to life. And I’ll be adding one for Smush…so bear with me while I fast forward through this past year of Worm’s life!  And the pics will all get a date stamp.

May 2011

This is like one of those “Come on guys. What the hell are you doing with me?” pictures.
He’ll appreciate it when he is older and can reflect on this picture…or maybe not.

Dad, What am I? A trophy?  Put Me Back in My Crib! It's Nap Time!

Since I Can’t Control My Face Muscles, I’ll Just Tell You.  I’m Giving You the Stink Eye.

We waited long enough to do this, but it’s time.  Worm’s just turned 21 months old and eager to explore the ends of his universe, our house.  He’s in Lewis & Clark mode and wants to leave no closet unexamined and no cabinet unpilfered.

I don’t know why, but the one place that Worm must visit 100 times a day is the cabinet storage under the kitchen sink.  And after he tried mixing Comet cleaner and Pine-sol onto the floor, I had to restrict access to this hazardous area.  I was afraid he might try to toss some cleaning powder in my eye and beat me up “Bloodsport” style…

I installed some cabinet latches that require a little more dexterity than the Worm has got at this age…and then I videotaped his reaction…priceless

I’m so happy I didn’t give him the butcher knife to hold during this video!

I was laughing up to the point where he hit me.  But, I still got the upper hand on him!

Gavin – 19; Dad – 11 (It brings so much joy to my life when I can outwit a toddler…)

Me vs. Gavin has survived its inaugural year!

We are happy to announce that we exceeded our expectations (which were zilch, by the way) in everything here on MVG!

I’m personally surprised that in 12 months, MVG got over 11,000 views!  (I have a feeling that half of those views are from my mother…)

For the people who continue to read about the ever stretching Worm, thank you!  We think he’s a special kid (who set the bar pretty high for his sissy) and we’re glad you think so too!

In 2013, we plan to:

  • double the number of children we own
  • half the amount of dogs we own (just kidding…)
  • give the website a facelift
  • take on some more cooking duties
  • find time to write a children’s book (will be looking for publishers soon…)
  • and lose sleep every step of the way!

Care to join us?  It is going to be a bit of a turbulent ride for the next year.  So order a few more vodkas from the flight attendant and hold on to the barf bag…we’re about to take flight!

Most read MVG post of 2012: Cow Grates and Cow Boys

Bye Bye 2012!

I’ve Already Forgotten About You 2012!

Hashtag Jameson has nothing on these even more futuristic baby names!

Hashtag is no match for these 5 most popular names of 2035!

Our due date is less than 3 weeks away.  (Personally, I think it’s less than 7 days away…)  The nickname Smushie is cute enough for us, but we have to christen the new addition with a more official name, otherwise she will become property of the hospital.  Since we’ve got no shortage of chores around the house to do, we see more value in bringing said baby home to unwittingly work for us in exchange for providing her food and shelter.

Steph and I were 99% sure that we picked out our daughter’s birth name.  Until this morning.  Just as the love for your child changes, names change too.  I stumbled upon an article about some parents who named their daughter Hashtag.  Hmm.  Hashtag.  If you aren’t sure what Hashtag means, you must be:

A) over 21 years old,


B) are too young to use a cellphone.

In a nutshell, hashtag is a Twitter tool for twits that tweet.  All the hip dudes and dudettes are using it.  (Obviously, not me.)  Just like the @ symbol is used in email, # is the tag symbol used in Twitter.  Sort of.  Enough said about that, I’m boring myself to sleep thinking about it.

The name Hashtag has been given to a little baby girl by a family only known as the Jamesons (whose brains may have been soaked too long in whiskey bearing the same moniker).  I guess that makes Hashtag effeminate…I don’t know.  But if you’re the first person to name your child after a computer symbol, it’s only fitting that you should be able to select which gender the name belongs.

In this day and age of technology, I’m an abacus.  I began to ponder what it will be like when Smush goes to school and all of her friends have cool, new millennium names.  I couldn’t let my daughter have a primitive name like her parents.  I won’t let Hashtag be the coolest, most popular kid in school!  I know I can do “one better” than the name hashtag.  In fact, I can do 5 better than Hashtag!

Here are 5 names that I am now looking at for our little girl:

  1. Syntax    –      Come on, some idiot genius has got to have thought this would be a cool name!
  2. 5i55y    –      She’s going to be the little sister of Worm, so why not swap some letters for numbers and call her what she is!  This is probably my most futuristically clever name yet!
  3. CAPSLOK    –      If you can’t figure out this name, YOU PROBABLY DON’T LOOK AT THE KEYS WHEN TYPING!  But, Smush had better be a screamer if she’s going to live up to this name…
  4. Ampersand         – and she can type her name with one stroke of a key!  Well two strokes, because you have to press the ‘shift’ key first…
  5. 😉      – This could be the most original techno-fied name yet!  Semicolon Close Parenthesis is too long…so We’ll call her Winky for short.

So there you have it.  The wife and I (or maybe just I) have made our new list of future-proof names for our baby girl.  Because by the time Smush is ready for grammar school, Emily, Sophia, and Nevaeh are going to sound like a bunch of crotchety, old grandmas.

When my baby girl is born, she is going to step straight into the future!  Happy New Year!

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